"Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called...." Ephesians 4:1
It started out three years ago when I was finishing up my Associates Degree at Harper. At this time I hadn't been walking with the LORD yet I knew He was continuing it pursue me in a beautiful way. I was selfish, and disobedient to what He had wanted me to do, and at that time it was surrendering all my life and laying it down to follow HIM, not the world anymore. My mom had convinced me to go to the Pastor's Wives Conference out in Murrieta, California. I wasn't quite sure why she wanted me to go so bad, yet all I could be excited for was the fact that it was in California and it was mid October so it was a mini vacay for me. Ha... horrible!! I remember bringing homework along and only wanting to sit inside the beautiful coffee shop for hours on end finishing up what I had to do. Something was different though. I had felt the LORD prick my heart not only to come back and follow close behind Him, but for people and serving Him and others. I went to a session one night and I remember Pastor Bob Coy's wife spoke :) I will never forget what the LORD had commanded me to do. It was to lay aside all that I had dreamed of for myself, and to walk with Him, in full time ministry. The theme of the conference was "CHOSEN" and I knew that the reason He had called me there, was because He had chosen ME, out of this world, to do so much more than what I had for myself.
I wasn't obedient to what God had wanted. I was still living for myself, for the world, and pursuing what I thought was perfect for me...education. I had already chosen to go to ISU and to pursue a degree in teaching and I thought that ministry was something 'cool' that I could just do on the side. Clearly I was into myself and into putting God on the shelf, or second best. I was selfish and disobedient to the calling He had on my life. I knew that going to ISU would be a good chance to really come back to the LORD. I had been into drinking, and partying and all the horrible things that can go along with that. Deep in my heart, though, I knew I wanted so much more than what the world had to offer. I saw the people God had placed in my life for mentoring and couldn't help but think 'They're so happy...they're walking closely with God and I want that happiness... I'm not happy..' I knew I would get involved in a ministry and do something different with my life.
As the Summer flew on by, I was getting ready to head off to ISU. As soon as I got there I did just what I wanted... got involved in campus ministry. God truly blessed it. He gave me lifelong friends and wonderful fellowship. I was in a place where I truly connected with God and He used the ministry to draw back to Him, and to surrender myself completely, 100% to Him full time, for the long haul. It was beautiful. I had never experienced more joy, love, peace, and mercy in my life. I was growing deeper in love with Him and I was extremely blown away. He used that year to continue to prick my heart for ministry. I would find myself journaling, "LORD, I see these people who are so lost, just give me a heart devoted to them. Please, LORD, give me a heart that is wanting YOU, 24/7, all the time, nothing and no one else." He surely did :) As the months went on I faced so many struggles academically and my heart for ministry grew more and more by the day. The passion I once had for teaching, He diminished, and replaced with a love for people and ministry. It was remarkable, yet, scary considering people don't understand why someone would walk away from a 'sure thing' and head into something where there may not be as much pay or job opportunities. People don't see it the way we do, as believers. I continued to journal and ask the LORD to change me and mold me into the woman He wanted me to be. As the months went on, He continued to grow my love for Him. I began praying prayers of simplicity, desiring things ONLY of Heaven and not of this earth. He also gave me a heart for full on ministry. Not just, ministry I could do on the side ALONG with education, but ministry full time. He planted a seed in my heart that grew for people, learning His word, and walking worthy, every single day, in every area of my life, full time. I knew the calling He had placed in my heart a few years back, He was fulfilling in me.
As I prayerfully considered Bible College, I weighed out the circumstances related to it. I knew that some loved ones and friends would not approve or understand what I was feeling God had called me to do. When Christmas time rolled around last year, my worship leader gave me a book written by Chris Tomlin called, "The Way I Was Made". This book was used by the LORD to hit home the fact that I was called to ministry. In that book, Chris made so many good points. Sometimes, we're called to walk away from our college degrees, or high paying jobs, to follow after the LORD. Some may not approve, some may not understand, but the LORD reigns over all, and His plans are far above and beyond what we had for ourselves anyway. That really sparked my heart with what I knew God was calling me to do.
I finished off the year at ISU and in the Summer I knew the LORD'S plans for me. It was hard and I still tried to pursue an education degree this year, but knew it wasn't what I was called to be doing. God is so faithful and AWESOME to continue to piece everything together. He has brought me all this way for His purpose. I have left Illinois State, my degree and my education, and plan to attend Calvary Chapel Bible College out in Murrieta, CA for the Spring semester. It is like a dream come true to me. I know that the LORD has great plans for me, things that I cannot see right now. I laugh about it with my roommate because I hate conflict, public speaking, and being in the spotlight. WHY IN THE WORLD would God call me to ministry? hahahah, where conflict is inevitable, public speaking is required, and people only look to you for spiritual encouragement. The LORD has a sense of humor ;) I know that His plans are far above my own.
I have felt called to worship ministry for over a year now, and continue to seek the LORD out in this manner, and pursue this at Bible College. He is so good. It's not every day that the LORD calls you out of your senior year of college, to something totally different and obscure. The world doesn't understand, but my prayer is that many would see CHRIST through this and be blessed by Him. Some may say that I'm throwing away all I've ever had, or that I'm wasting my smarts. Really? Not even close. The story of my life, my testimony, all that I was created to be... it's NOW beginning! My story is just now being written by the precious Author and Finisher of my faith. The rest is unwritten... and as I walk hand in hand with Him daily.. I can't WAIT to see it pan out.
I've once heard it said, "The safest place one can be, is in the center of God's will." That's where I stand. I know what His will is for me, and I choose to obey Him, full out, 100%, for the REST of my life. No more disobedience to what His calling is. My prayer is that in everything I do, in every work I work, in every thought, word, action, deed... HE would be glorified. This world is NOT my home, I am not created to make billions, or to be successful, or to be popular or beautiful.. I am created to glorify my Father in HEAVEN, to walk worthy of the calling with which HE has called me. He has told me, "Walk away from all you have, take up your cross and follow after Me."
I would rather do nothing else.
"All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded to you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20
