random thoughts.

As I look upon all the Lord has done in my life I am overwhelmed with blessings and adoration for Him. He has brought me out of SO MUCH and through so much... I don't understand how I could have done it without Him... and I am so thankful.

As I look at this generation and the bitterness and rejection of the Lord... it saddens my heart. Never before, has my heart been so burdened for this generation, and for young girls. This generation needs Christ and those who already follow Him need to be start a revolution for Him.

Love is something we need to be pursuing in Christ, and towards others. Loving others when it may seem difficult, and loving people LIKE Christ loved us. As I watched the movie "Fireproof" with my friends a few weeks back... the main character said something that really stuck with me and put into perspective what Christ deals with on a continual basis. He said...

"How can I continue loving someone, when all they do is reject me? Time after time after time again?"

Perfect example of what Christ goes through isn't it? People continually reject Him... time after time after time... yet He continues to love EVERYONE equally.. and desires them with all His heart.

Pursue Christ and His love. Love others even when it may seem difficult, and love others LIKE Christ loved you.

This is my prayer.

most beautiful love.

Ahhh love. The one thing that every girl dreams about since they day they are 5. It seems as though the world gives false impressions of what 'true love' is. It wasn't until the past year or two when I found out the TRUE meaning of love and God clearly made it known to me. Tenth Avenue North is a band that I love so much.... they wrote a song entitled "Beloved". It's all about God and loving His church just like the bride. It's the most beautiful piece I've ever heard, and it brings me back to the Song of Solomon in the Bible. Sometimes confusing, yet riveting, this is the greatest book ever written with pure, true, and faithful definitions of romance and love. It's absolutely remarkable.

I've known this already but I love saying it again.... love is the cross. Without the cross, and Jesus's death on the cross... we would be NOTHING, and we would not have love at all. It was His true, selfless, undying love for us that we are saved and should desire to love Him in return.

As I thought about life and the things God has called me to, other questions and curiosities wander through my mind... yet God continues to bring me back to His simple truth. "Wait on me, and allow Me to give you the most beautiful, hand written love story of all time. Until then, love Me, trust Me, walk with Me and obey Me and I will give you the desires of your heart." Such beautiful words from the greatest love I know :)

I have fallen short. And I have been in relationships in the past. I'm not saying dating/relationships are bad, because they're not! They're GOOD. They give us a sense of what we need and desire in a future spouse. They also teach us what a GOOD relationship looks like, one that is God centered and led by the Lord, and what a BAD or unhealthy relationship looks like (and I've been in a few of those!!! Yikes!) Dating may be right or wrong for some people. It's different for everyone because God has already written out your love story.... now He needs to walk you through it to get to your spouse! Throughout all the heartaches, losses, and frustrations of relationships I never fully applied myself to the greatest relationship ever known. One between me and the Lord. It's so simple eh? Not for everyone. Some people don't desires to surrender themselves fully to the Lord, to give them their relationships and decisions about their future spouse. It's difficult because often times we get so lonely and want a companion and that "one true love" but we often miss what love is all about. If we have no idea what love is all about, then how can we ever find it? God gave the greatest, most beautiful, lovable, unique gift of all time... His son. Through His son God sent forgiveness, mercy and most of all LOVE. Jesus's death on the cross was the epitome of true love.

Oh, it became SO CLEAR to me this past September at my Encounter Fall Retreat. I always celebrated Good Friday and the crucifixion but I don't really think it sunk in as deeply as it did for me that weekend. God's voice rang SO LOUD, I could barely hear my heart beat.... it was incredible :) His love was THE ONLY love I needed... and the cross was the definition of that TRUE LOVE :) Such a blessing.

As I accepted that truth and made it the building block to ALL I do, God has given me tremendous peace and comfort in HIS love, knowing that our relationship is the most beautiful love story ever written :) He's given me contentment, fulfillment, and joy, and I have confidence in knowing that He also holds the love story written for me and my husband.... He just has yet to reveal it to me :)

What an exciting time in the lives of those who are single. And don't worry you who are married, engaged, or in relationships... I'm not bashing you!! How EXCITING that God has brought that one person into your life! But for all the single people... this is the most exciting time of your lives. God has picked out someone for you already... He has him/her in His hands... just fixing the intricate details of your life until it's HIS perfect timing to bring them to you! But until then.... fall in love with Jesus and give Him every since piece of your love life. He will so fulfill you with all you need and desire!

Tonight I was reading in Song of Solomon and God gave me these scriptures:

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases."

Lovesick. Who would have thought this could be a GOOD thing? :) But it so is!!! Bask in His presence and fall more in love with Him.

There's some things that always remind me of how wonderful, miraculous, loving, and perfect my God is. With His love, nothing can compare. With the love of the Lord....

He never leaves you.
He never breaks your heart.
He never lies to you.
He fulfills your desires with blessings.
He comforts you when no one else will listen.
He drops everything, and anything to listen to you..the Lord never sleeps.
He promises to come again and redeem you (like the bride and her bridegroom)
He keeps every secret.
He holds your hand every step of the way.
He guides you and gives you direction.
He's way smarter than me... His words and wisdom are far beyond my own discernment.
He provides when all else has failed.
He is sufficient.
He is enough.
He is LOVE.

above and beyond.

As the first week of my second semester classes wrapped up, I couldn't help to think all week of how God has clearly provided in my life all this way. His provision is crystal clear and I am so blessed by Him. He promises to give all we need and ask for if we obey Him and listen to what His word says. As a lot of hardships happened last semester, I knew that the entire time situations crumbled down before me... God had it all under control. He continually reminded me of Isaiah 41:10 and His blanket of peace was stretched over me. As I went to class this week to begin my second semester of my Junior year, I suddenly realized WHY God had allowed all those things to happen to me first semester. It is so magical! The Lord clearly was with me the entire time. Failing math was no longer a horrible tragedy in my life, but it was a learning and growing experience. This semester, re-taking that class, God has placed me with such a wonderful teacher, he is such a blessing! I understand the concepts and feel at ease with what God did. As my dear friend said to me... "See? Everything happens for a reason." and that is SO TRUE. Everything happens for GOD'S purpose. He has a purpose laid out for me... one that is foggy right now, but I believe is becoming clearer :) It is such a blessing to see the work He's doin in my life.

As I walked through the rest of the week I was exceedingly abundantly blessed by my classes. Not only are they quite easy... but I love them! I read the textbooks and enjoy it... now, what college student could tell you THAT?! :) God has just overwhelmed me with his grace, peace, mercy and most of all love. What a blessing it is!!! As I came across the right words to say, thoughts to think, and prayers of thanksgiving unto my Lord... nothing could suffice. Jesus brought me back to the well known passage of Ephesians that states,

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory. . ." Ephesians 3:20-21.

What powerful words!! I could go over this statement over and over again... but it always remains the same. We seem to have a map of what our lives look like, it's all planned out with times and scenarios... and we try our hardest to match what OUR design looks like. The problem? We're trying to control, and we're not letting God do the work. When we surrender every aspect of our lives to the Lord, He may be doing something different, but it's always exceedingly abundantly what you can even imagine!!!

This is how I've felt this entire week. Exceedingly blessed by His provision, love, guidance, peace, mercy, and forgiveness for me :) Isaiah 55:8 states that, His ways are not your ways, nor are your thoughts His thoughts, for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than your ways, and His thoughts than your thoughts.... what a mouthful! But something SO TRUE that we need to keep in mind as believers. To walk in light, and to trust in Him with all our hearts.

Ahh...exceedingly abundantly.. such precious words :) As I ponder all that the Lord is doing in my life, I can begin to see WHY He's allowed things and is allowing things to occur in my life. It's such a blessing!!! He's taken such a wretched, sinful, fallen woman, and brought her to a place of pure love, admiration and joy over Him. Something so sweet :)

Be encouraged and joyful in the Lord... there is NOTHING else like it. Trust in Him, especially when you think that what you desire could never even happen. The Lord knows the desires of your heart...walk in Him and He will fulfill those!

He surely does give exceedingly abundantly all that we ask for or think... :)

the unexpected.

Day after day the Lord continues to bless me with His love and overflow of His goodness :) Words can't simply describe. As a new semester approaches and new beginnings occur, I am excited and amazed to see what the Lord is doing and continues to do in my life. As doors open and some others close I am reassured that although some things I cannot understand, He is doing a work. I spoke with a dear friend today and was reminded that sometimes we have our schedules and lives all planned out according to what we want to do and what we think God is calling us to. Lots of times we're correct... and what we've prayed over and succeeded in, God has provided and led us all the way. But there's also certain times when we have it all figured out. We want to be teachers, accountants, business men, and we KNOW God has led us so far a way to bring us there... but then something happens... He turns our hearts, and He changes the desires and needs and makes them into an image of Him. I will say that has been the situation occurring in my life. God has totally taken me on a 180 path and although I can't quite see down the path clearly... I will continue to take steps in faith and see where God is leading. Sometimes He tells us to forsake all. It's in those times He has the GREATEST and most rewarding plan for our lives.

Chris Tomlin's book "The Way I Was Made" is incredible for people called to an unoardinary life. I quoted the book before, but I hope this other passage ministers to you as you pray and seek the Lord's will in your life... and that He would give you clear direction on where He wants you to follow Him to...

"Can you look back along the road of faith and see how God has graciously led you along? I can. When I made the choice not to go to grad school, but to trust that God was leading me to travel and play music, it was a risk. There were no guarantees. The next ten years were not mapped out on my apartment wall. But I'm so glad I took the step of faith. I've felt the wind of God blowing many times through that choice, sometimes at almost gale force. I've seen lives change, beginning with mine. What about you? Think about how different your life could be in one year or five or twenty if you listen carefully for the wind of God in your life and respond. If when the Spirit whispers, "See that road? Take it," you say yes. You could be part of starting something really big. Not that you'd know it when you walked out the door. God rarely works that way. He sure didn't with Abraham. You remember Abraham. One day, the wind of the spirit gusted into his life. God said:

"Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's house, and go to the land that I will show you. I will cause you to become the father of a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and I will make you a blessing to others. I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you (Genesis 12:1-3)"

We don't know exactly what Abraham did next. Did he run God's message past his accountant? Did he think about it for days or weeks? Did he finish getting his degree? Don't know. But here's what we do know: "So Abraham departed," the Bible says, "as the Lord had instructed him." When God says, "Leave," are you ready to hit the road? He's probably not going to ask you to walk out of your dorm room or apartment today. More often He'll ask you to leave behind comfortable assumptions, competing commitments, mixed-up-priorities, a wrong relationship, a "must have" list of conditions. But when we say yes to God's invitations, big things happen--or atleast become possible for the first time."

its ok to be unsuual.

I want to share with you something out of the book I've been reading written by Chris Tomlin. For those of you who don't know, Chris is a well renown worship leader and follower of Christ. His book, "The Way I Was Made" has been such an inspiration and encouragement in this time of my life. I feel as though God has called me OUT of the 'usual' school degree into something more useful for His glory.... but that we'll get into later :) As I pondered, prayed, and was overwhelmed with what the Lord was calling me to do.... I also came with questions, worries, thoughts, and maybe even a little discouragement. Chris Tomlin had an entire chapter on this! With these words I want to encourage you... don't try to compare your life or worth to anyone else's... God made you for who YOU ARE... not in any way shape or form like the person next to you. :)

"I couldn't point to another person I knew who was doing exactly what I wanted to do. And I didn't really have a name--a job title--for it. I didn't want to be a "music minister"--that description just didn't fit me or my personality. In a situation like that, you can only move forward by faith. And you know, living by faith might sound fun and glamorous. But it isn't. It costs. Still, I encourage you to be open to your passion and to pursue it as you're able, even if you don't know exactly where it might lead. There is no ranking of passions or gifts in God's family. So whatever it is you want to do with your life, you're not second rate, and you're not a mistake. And "normal", whatever that is, isn't something God seems to delight in anyway. If you're wondering why you seem so different from those around you, read 1 Corinthians 12 again. Here is just a part of what Paul had to say: "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." When friends from school were turning into accountants, teachers, and investment brokers, I held on to truths like that."

God is leading... trust in Him :)

Never Too Far.

It all started out about 33 years ago. There was a young man, barely into his 20's, moving from Sunny California to snowy, rainy, and often times dreary Chicago. There was a young girl, only in her teens, finishing up high school and living in Chicago all of her life. The two became next door neighbors and attraction quickly set in. As they met and became friends, they instantly fell in love, and in 3 months got married. The newlywed Catholic couple didn't really have a genuine purpose in life. One worked for a gas company and the other had yet to finish high school and decide whether or not to attend college. As a year went by, he became saved. God touched his heart in dramatic ways. His mom would send him Pastor Chuck's sermon tapes from Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa... and he would listen to them on his late night shifts to and from Texaco. As his love, passion and devotion grew for the Lord, his wife became angry and upset for "conforming" to Christianity. One night he told her, "Love... God has done GREAT things for me.... when I asked Him to enter my heart, I knew.. I just KNEW my life was changed, instantly.. His love can change you... He loves you, and desires you." That night, home alone, she knelt down on her knees, cried out to God and accepted Him as her Lord and Savior. Their lives were instantly changed.

As their marriage grew, their love for the Lord did as well. He began getting plugged into a church and leading Bible studies. His heart felt a tug by God to be more for Him than he expected or even wanted to be... stage fright had always kicked in and he didn't really know if what God had been calling him to do was what HE wanted to be doing. "Lord, how can I lead your people...every Sunday morning? I can't even get up on stage." As he begged and pleaded with the Lord, He continued to give this young man courage, and confirmation that this is what God had called him to. A phone call from his mother made it clear. One night she called and asked how things were going, him explaining to her that he had been leading Bible studies and began discussing some important things he learned when he attended Bible classes. Her response: "Son, you should really start a church... you would be a phenominal pastor." He then knew that the tug God had pulled on his heart wasn't a fad, and it wasn't just something temporary.

So from then on it began. He was leading Bible studies in his home, taping them, and sending them out to family in California. Family loved them... and as he continued leading Bible studies in his living room every Sunday night, God opened the door for a building, more people, and the peace to stand up in front of crowds to preach the good news. This man had now known everything God did in his life was for this specific purpose and calling.

The rest is history. 33 years later and my father and mother spent their entire marriage together serving, loving, and dedicating everything they breathed, ate, and slept to the Lord. Oh yea, they had three children too :) Me, Bob and Phil. As we grew up pastor's kids (PK's) it wasn't always easy. I don't think we all agreed that it was the life we had wanted... but in time, we found our own. I don't think I necessarily made Christ my OWN until I was about 19 years old. I don't believe I truly knew what it meant to walk with the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind until I was about 20. God had everything in my life happen for a reason. I was a pastor's kid, but still did things MY OWN way. I didn't always follow the Christian rules, or the Bible, and there were more than a few times I had walked away. Sin, addiction, and heartbreak seemed to overflow my life. If you had seen me a year/two years ago, you would NEVER know I was a Christian. Boys were my ultimate obsession, and all the things that came along with an earthly relationship, NOT a Christian, God lead relationship. I would spend night after night questioning and wondering, "WHEN will I grow out of this? I want God so much... but I'm so far away from Him, how can He possibly love me? Or think of me? How can he possibly forgive me? This would be the what... 150th time He's forgiven me? No. He couldn't. And honestly, I'm too ashamed to run back. I've gone too far, and honestly, it's too late. Nothing I could do or say would keep me close to the Lord. Plus what will people think? They'll call me a hypocrite. They'll say to me that I'm just kidding myself... that its STUPID to walk with God... there IS NO God! Are you crazy?!" Yea... I knew what they would say.

I'm sure that's how many people feel once they've walked away from God. They feel like it's too late... that God can't possibly forgive them or accept them because of what they've done or attempted to do. Know this: God created you. So not only does He KNOW your entire life planned out from BEFORE conception to after death, He wrote your life story, your love story, and ALL in between before you were even born. So you think He doesn't know about your screw ups, mishaps, and wanderings? Sure it grieves God... but He knew about it. He isn't shocked. You shouldn't be shocked that He knows either. So, if Jesus died on the cross for these VERY reasons.... don't you think it's never too late to run back to God? The cross isn't temporary, it isn't something that was just for the sins IN the moment. I'm not justifying sin and I'm not saying it's ok to sin and then always ask for forgiveness because God will forgive.... that's taking advantage. Examine your heart if that's the case. What I am saying is that the cross is for everyday. Everyday we sin and fall short of the glory of God...but how blessed are we that we have such a merciful, forgiving, LOVING God that He knew all this... Christ died on the cross for us!!!! For our very sins. Our short comings. Our wandering off on paths we should never wander. God loves you so much... if ONLY YOU KNEW... if only you knew. He desires you... your life and all that's in it. He wants to bless you and show you how powerful His love is... if only you'll let Him. Just like my sweet adoring dad told my mom when they first got married... "Love... God loves you. and He loves me. He wants ALL of me... He can change your life... He's instantly changed mine. His love is everlasting. Give Him your life... He changed mine." My mom knew in her heart.... God tugged her heart that night, and she accepted Him into her life to be her all in all.

All I'm saying is this. You are NEVER, and I mean never ever too far away from God that you cannot run back. He's been sitting back waiting for you to! He loves you SO MUCH, and He has a beautiful plan sketched out for your life... if only you would let Him unfold it.

Two years ago, you would have met me and never known I was a Christian. You would never think "She loves God." because it clearly didn't show or was not evident in my life. I'm a pastors kid, but I screw up. In my early years I screwed up... A LOT. But God is good, He is faithful, He showed me through so many heartbreaks, addictions, obsessions, and sins, that regardless of it all, He wanted all of me.. and His love can't come second best to ANYTHING... it is the best, of all time. My life is changed. Forever. Through the heartaches now, through the good times, through the struggles, and the circumstances... God is all knowing, ever present, and has given me NO greater joy than I have now. I owe it all to Him! He is TRULY amazing :) My screw ups, my sins, the many many times I've walked away from Him, the heartbreaks, the hurt, the pain, all of it has not only brought me closer to the Lord, but He has used it for HIS glory.... ahhh who would have thought?! :) God, using all my sin, to glorify Him and to make me a stronger person?! Not only that... but He's used my sin to encourage others, and to show them that His love is perfect :) Only God would do that.... He is simply amazing.

It's never too late. You're never too far. Run to Him. He desires you. Always.

seasons.

Being home for break has opened my eyes to many new experiences and perspectives on life. I know...not something you would expect in such a short amount of time. It's really made me see that God truly does EVERYTHING for His purpose and will. I've had to deal with failure, death, rejection, brokenness... but in all those emotions.. God has blanketed me with peace, joy and contentment. You wouldn't think that would be the emotions I would express and in fact, they weren't the first ten minutes of finding out news. There were a few instances where I cried, yelled, and asked God firmly, "WHAT are You doing God!??... come on!" I used to think that it was hypocritical to be angry with God... that it was wrong and we should never yell at Him or even wonder why He's doing what He's doing. I've come to realize and be okay with the fact that without even telling Him, God already KNOWS you're angry!!! Might as well confess it and ask Him to help you. That's what I had to do. But it wasn't just the fact that I was angry with God.. my heart was breaking BECAUSE I was angry with Him. I remember being in my room pleading with God, "I am so sorry... I never want to be angry with You!" but we're human. Sometimes, it's just human nature that we are angry with God. I've come to know that in hard times and horrible situations, God isn't doing these things TO US.... He's doing these things FOR US. There's a huge difference. I hate when people say, "Why did God do this to me? He has no idea what the heck is going on." God isn't doing things TO YOU, He's doing things because it is all in His plan for your life, so really, you benefit from it! You are going to be blessed and overjoyed later down the road because you trusted in Him to get you through it...and He will.

Yes, I have been mad at God, questioning His motives, and wondering WHY He's doing what He's doing but you know... every single time I yell, question, wonder, ask, cry..God gives me scripture in the Bible that always has to do with TRUSTING in Him. It alllllll comes back to trust. Sure, things in my life didn't play out exactly the way I wanted them to, but God did them FOR ME... to help me, to reassure me that He knows what He's doing. It is OKAY.

The passage of scripture at the top came from last night's Daily Light. As I was pleading with God, asking Him about my future, what He wanted, where He wanted to lead me, He gave me that passage... so perfect because I truly was saying, "What are you doing?! You sure You care?" God cares, always. And ya know... throughout these experiences and circumstances, I can only hope and pray it's all used for His glory.

He is beautiful :) And I have not felt greater joy, peace, love, and contentment than I do now.. in his difficult season. It's JUST a season. It will come and go. The Christian life is not easy. God never promised it would be perfect, but He promised it would be worth it.