the rest is still unwritten.

It started out three years ago when I was finishing up my Associates Degree at Harper. At this time I hadn't been walking with the LORD yet I knew He was continuing it pursue me in a beautiful way. I was selfish, and disobedient to what He had wanted me to do, and at that time it was surrendering all my life and laying it down to follow HIM, not the world anymore. My mom had convinced me to go to the Pastor's Wives Conference out in Murrieta, California. I wasn't quite sure why she wanted me to go so bad, yet all I could be excited for was the fact that it was in California and it was mid October so it was a mini vacay for me. Ha... horrible!! I remember bringing homework along and only wanting to sit inside the beautiful coffee shop for hours on end finishing up what I had to do. Something was different though. I had felt the LORD prick my heart not only to come back and follow close behind Him, but for people and serving Him and others. I went to a session one night and I remember Pastor Bob Coy's wife spoke :) I will never forget what the LORD had commanded me to do. It was to lay aside all that I had dreamed of for myself, and to walk with Him, in full time ministry. The theme of the conference was "CHOSEN" and I knew that the reason He had called me there, was because He had chosen ME, out of this world, to do so much more than what I had for myself.

I wasn't obedient to what God had wanted. I was still living for myself, for the world, and pursuing what I thought was perfect for me...education. I had already chosen to go to ISU and to pursue a degree in teaching and I thought that ministry was something 'cool' that I could just do on the side. Clearly I was into myself and into putting God on the shelf, or second best. I was selfish and disobedient to the calling He had on my life. I knew that going to ISU would be a good chance to really come back to the LORD. I had been into drinking, and partying and all the horrible things that can go along with that. Deep in my heart, though, I knew I wanted so much more than what the world had to offer. I saw the people God had placed in my life for mentoring and couldn't help but think 'They're so happy...they're walking closely with God and I want that happiness... I'm not happy..' I knew I would get involved in a ministry and do something different with my life.

As the Summer flew on by, I was getting ready to head off to ISU. As soon as I got there I did just what I wanted... got involved in campus ministry. God truly blessed it. He gave me lifelong friends and wonderful fellowship. I was in a place where I truly connected with God and He used the ministry to draw back to Him, and to surrender myself completely, 100% to Him full time, for the long haul. It was beautiful. I had never experienced more joy, love, peace, and mercy in my life. I was growing deeper in love with Him and I was extremely blown away. He used that year to continue to prick my heart for ministry. I would find myself journaling, "LORD, I see these people who are so lost, just give me a heart devoted to them. Please, LORD, give me a heart that is wanting YOU, 24/7, all the time, nothing and no one else." He surely did :) As the months went on I faced so many struggles academically and my heart for ministry grew more and more by the day. The passion I once had for teaching, He diminished, and replaced with a love for people and ministry. It was remarkable, yet, scary considering people don't understand why someone would walk away from a 'sure thing' and head into something where there may not be as much pay or job opportunities. People don't see it the way we do, as believers. I continued to journal and ask the LORD to change me and mold me into the woman He wanted me to be. As the months went on, He continued to grow my love for Him. I began praying prayers of simplicity, desiring things ONLY of Heaven and not of this earth. He also gave me a heart for full on ministry. Not just, ministry I could do on the side ALONG with education, but ministry full time. He planted a seed in my heart that grew for people, learning His word, and walking worthy, every single day, in every area of my life, full time. I knew the calling He had placed in my heart a few years back, He was fulfilling in me.

As I prayerfully considered Bible College, I weighed out the circumstances related to it. I knew that some loved ones and friends would not approve or understand what I was feeling God had called me to do. When Christmas time rolled around last year, my worship leader gave me a book written by Chris Tomlin called, "The Way I Was Made". This book was used by the LORD to hit home the fact that I was called to ministry. In that book, Chris made so many good points. Sometimes, we're called to walk away from our college degrees, or high paying jobs, to follow after the LORD. Some may not approve, some may not understand, but the LORD reigns over all, and His plans are far above and beyond what we had for ourselves anyway. That really sparked my heart with what I knew God was calling me to do.

I finished off the year at ISU and in the Summer I knew the LORD'S plans for me. It was hard and I still tried to pursue an education degree this year, but knew it wasn't what I was called to be doing. God is so faithful and AWESOME to continue to piece everything together. He has brought me all this way for His purpose. I have left Illinois State, my degree and my education, and plan to attend Calvary Chapel Bible College out in Murrieta, CA for the Spring semester. It is like a dream come true to me. I know that the LORD has great plans for me, things that I cannot see right now. I laugh about it with my roommate because I hate conflict, public speaking, and being in the spotlight. WHY IN THE WORLD would God call me to ministry? hahahah, where conflict is inevitable, public speaking is required, and people only look to you for spiritual encouragement. The LORD has a sense of humor ;) I know that His plans are far above my own.

I have felt called to worship ministry for over a year now, and continue to seek the LORD out in this manner, and pursue this at Bible College. He is so good. It's not every day that the LORD calls you out of your senior year of college, to something totally different and obscure. The world doesn't understand, but my prayer is that many would see CHRIST through this and be blessed by Him. Some may say that I'm throwing away all I've ever had, or that I'm wasting my smarts. Really? Not even close. The story of my life, my testimony, all that I was created to be... it's NOW beginning! My story is just now being written by the precious Author and Finisher of my faith. The rest is unwritten... and as I walk hand in hand with Him daily.. I can't WAIT to see it pan out.

I've once heard it said, "The safest place one can be, is in the center of God's will." That's where I stand. I know what His will is for me, and I choose to obey Him, full out, 100%, for the REST of my life. No more disobedience to what His calling is. My prayer is that in everything I do, in every work I work, in every thought, word, action, deed... HE would be glorified. This world is NOT my home, I am not created to make billions, or to be successful, or to be popular or beautiful.. I am created to glorify my Father in HEAVEN, to walk worthy of the calling with which HE has called me. He has told me, "Walk away from all you have, take up your cross and follow after Me."

I would rather do nothing else.

"All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded to you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

all figured out?

One of the biggest excitements in walking hand in hand with Jesus is the fact that you never truly know where He is going to take you and do in your life. You never have a full proof PLAN because once you do, He changes it in an instant. It's the best joy when walking with Christ...just knowing that your life is in HIS hands, steering the wheel to your life.

He has surely shown me an immense amount of new things these past few years and the passion and burning on my heart has been placed by HIM to fulfill HIS purpose, not my own. What a blessing it is.

There is no safer place to be, than in the center of God's will for your life. What you end up doing may not be popular. People may not approve of your actions or choices, and they will end up bashing you for walking with Jesus. Yet, in all that, you will be rewarded someday in heaven far greater than anything else.

Do you have it all figured out? I know I don't :) And that's just where I want to be.

"...for My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways, says the LORD, for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My thoughts than your thoughts, and My ways than your ways..." Isaiah 55:8-9

simplicity.

Simplicity. Where has it gone? In this world full of chaos, distractions, and cheap fulfillment it's as if simplicity is no longer found in the English language. Lately, the LORD has drawn me to a place of simplicity. Just JESUS. No one else. Nothing else. No where else. Just JESUS.

I've learned that we're not in this world for the good grades, for the popularity, the promotion, the success, the fame, the technology, and all the other random distractions we can find. We're here for one purpose and one purpose only. Jesus. Oh... that we would stop being BUSY all the time... that we would just sit at the feet of our King and praise Him, adore Him, love Him, listen carefully and heed His word... that He would be our ONLY desire, love, and fulfillment. Just JESUS. Again, it all goes back to simplicity. It's not found in this world because the world has tainted views on what is good and popular and pleasurable. Where did the simplicity go?

Last night I found myself crying out to the LORD in pure sacrifice unto Him. Asking Him to take all that I have... my desires, my dreams, my possessions, my income, everything and anything that I don't necessarily need... and to ONLY fill me and give me Him. "You can have all this world..just give me JESUS." So so so true.

This world is NOT my home, this life is not my own. I am created and commanded to love my LORD Jesus and to serve and glorify Him through everything I say and do. My heart desires to walk in purity, righteousness and holiness. Only through JESUS can those be found.

It saddens me to see this world so lost and busy in their schedules, begging for more money, longing for more cheap fulfillment, continuing to live in such a way that only satisfied for twelve hours and then finds them on their face crying out for something, anything.. yet not knowing Jesus. He's there. He loves you... do you know? He loves you. SO MUCH. Love Him. He's drawing you and pursuing you. I know it.

Simplicity. Oh, that my life would be for Christ and Christ alone. That my heart would yearn for NOTHING aside from Jesus, and that I would continually and daily seek those things which are ABOVE, at the right hand of God (Colossians 3:1). Jesus is everything... where else can you find perfection? Seek simplicity.. just JESUS.


"Why do you spend your money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in abundance." - Isaiah 55:2

seek those things ABOVE

God has shown me a lot this Summer. As I have grown more and more in love with Him, it's become so very clear that this world is not my home. My life is not my own. I am created in Christ Jesus for HIS purpose. So many years I sought out the things of this world to satisfy, but in all honestly, NOTHING fills what needs to be filled with Christ. Guys, He is calling us to look and seek the things ABOVE not anything on this earth. He is so much more than anything we could ever need or look for. We are called to seek His righteousness, purity and holiness. Oh, that the LORD would examine our hearts. That His people would quit stalling and searching for the things of this world that might satisfy for two hours. That our hearts would be so knit together with CHRIST that all our desires, all our hopes, all our prayers would surround HIM and nothing/no one else. It's time to wake up out the daydream we've been in. It's time to give up the things that we so desperately thought would fill us up. It's time to fall more passionately in love with Jesus. Our time on this earth is short...and our calling is sure. He has called us to WALK WORTHY of the calling with which we were called, so why aren't we? Oh, that the church would wake up and begin seeking things above, and forgetting about all the materialism on this earth. Jesus is worth it all... all else can fade.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures one earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, that your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-20

"But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and all HIS righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33

"Seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God." - Colossians 3:1

walking in holiness

Words of thankfulness, gratitude, and praise do not even begin to cover the love and appreciation I have for my Jesus. This Summer (and as always) He has shown me so many things I've needed to see. Some hard, some beautiful... it's been a growing process that I am ever so thankful for. I continually desire that He would work in my heart daily to do the work He needs to, in order for me to grow into a woman of the word, prayer and to grow more like Christ every day. He is precious, and able :)

There are two verses the LORD has shown me this Summer that have truly taught me a lot, and continue to. As I look into the future with whatever God has for me, I'm excited, nervous, fearful, and curious as to where or what He wants of me. It's hard in this world to maintain happy and carefree when it comes to the things we are facing daily. This world is fleeting away, and it's getting worse by the day. Yet we have our hope and confidence in JESUS that no one and nothing else can fill. The LORD has shown me 1 Timothy 6:6 where it says, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." Something so simple, yet hard to live by. Being content in ALL things, with Godliness. When we are hand in hand with Christ, loving Him, serving Him, seeking after Him, we need to be content in just that...Him. It's hard as this world throws things at us that temporarily satisfy yet it's a vicious cycle because we are always wanting more and more of something else. Why is that? God knows our frame, He remembers that we are dust, yet our hearts and minds shouldn't desire anything other than HIM most of all. Our eyes should daily be looking upward instead of here to see what else we can fill the void with. It's something He's been teaching me all Summer, and I've been blessed beyond reason. My prayer is that I would continually see and learn more of this from Him as I embark on my senior year of college.

One other verse that the LORD has graciously burdened on my heart is 1 Peter 2:9. It says, "We are a CHOSEN GENERATION, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His marvelous light." Guys, listen up. WHY are we sitting around and fitting in?!?! This world IS NOT OUR HOME. We are called to be sore thumbs, to stick out, to be unusual. There is NO such thing (or should there be) as a NORMAL Christian. We are called to be RADICAL for Jesus!!!!! No more sitting around, being lazy, complacent and alright with the norms of this world. We are not supposed to be partakers of darkness but rather EXPOSE IT because we need to be lights in Christ and for Christ! My heart is so heavy and burdened about this generation and the lack of care for what's TRUE and JUST. We are called to walk in holiness and purity and that goes way beyond what you might think. It's everything! It's spiritually, in our minds, in our hearts, with our bodies, our spirits... it's everything we are! We are of GOD and we need to begin acting like it. Jesus was given as the most precious sacrifice on the Cross for OUR mistakes, our screw ups, our failures.... and He wanted to pay that price for us so that we can have eternal life. Man, there's no greater love than that.

It's time for Christ's church (and our generation) to stand radical and strong for Jesus. No more sitting around and fitting in. 1 Peter 2:9 could not state it more clearly. God has CHOSEN US as His special people. We need to start acting like it.

We are God's, and He is ours. Shine as lights in this dark and passing world. This is not our home, we are created for the eternal.

my son, give me your heart.

You ever spend time with the Lord, and you're so convicted that you can hardly breathe? One of those moments when all you can do is sit, face down, tears in eyes, flustered, breathless, speechless at the One who created the universe? I had one of those moments tonight. Though it was a chastening of some sort, it was a huge blessing because I know that the work the Lord continues to do in and through me is working for His eternal glory... what could be more exciting than that?

We all know when our hearts aren't right or proper in the sight of God. Maybe it's because of something we choose to put before Him, or maybe it's something as simple as the flesh getting in the way of what we know is true & pure. Either way, we know it needs to be worked out by Him and it's in those times of desperation (at least for me..) that He comes to my rescue. Rescue doesn't always mean happiness and joy. It sometimes means chastening, conviction, sadness. It's a place I come to often where God has to remind me that He is what matters in this life most. Not material things, things of worth, or gifts on Earth... but Him. By Himself..just Christ. It's a place that I've seen too many times in desperation, loneliness, heartache and confusion... yet even though they aren't always times of joy... they eventually yield the fruit of joy and gladness. Why? Because God is SO GOOD and His faithfulness is over all His works. I am a CHILD of HIS.

It's in times like these where all I can do is offer up my hopes, dreams, desires and needs to the One who intricately places such things in my heart. It's a place where when I feel suffocated, I can bring them to Him as a sacrifice in prayer, hoping that He will do what He wills with them. I've come to this place many times, and coming to understand that if the things I feel or "need" do not blend with God's plans, then I don't want them anymore...I refuse to want them anymore.

God knows WHAT'S BEST and I need to remember that. He is faithful! As I read my Daily Light tonight, the Lord reached out to me in such a unique way, that all I can do is be face down at His feet... adoring Him for all that He is. Words don't suffice, feelings don't muster up, and nothing I think, say, do, or feel can be equivalent to the thankfulness, and love I feel towards Him.

He is so good. My prayer is that this would minister to you, maybe strike a few areas in your heart, and cause you to fall more passionately in love with our Beautiful, Precious Savior. He is worth all of our attention, all of our praise, and He is worthy of all that we are. After all, He took OUR sins, paid the ultimate price SELFLESSLY on the cross at Cavalry. You think it's strange that I surrender all that I am to the One who sacrificially gave all that He had for me? Think again.

"My son, give me your heart. Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever! Your heart is not right in the sight of God (wow..). Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. They . . . first gave themselves to the LORD. In every work that Hezekiah began . . . to seek his God, he did with all his heart. So he prospered. Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Whatever you do, do it heartily to the LORD. As bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the LORD, and not to men. I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart."
(Proverbs 23:26, Deut. 5:29, Acts 8:21, Rom 8:7-8, 2 Cor 8:5, 1 Chron 31:21, Prov 4:23, Col 3:23, Eph 6:6-7, Ps 119:32)

counsel

Words can't express the gratitude and thankfulness I feel for this Summer. God has surely blessed me. I traveled to Arizona last week to visit my wonderful brother, and every time I leave the West Coast it's harder to come back home. When I was 11 I traveled to California to visit family and I remember saying goodbye...it was the hardest goodbye I had ever faced. I knew then, that someday I would be a West Coast girl. God has planted that seed in my heart, and with it my prayer is that He would show me where/what He wants me to do with it.

Few things I'm pondering lately. One is that regardless of circumstance or option..GOD remains in control. No one can change Him, and nothing can hinder His promises... all remains and continue to be in action according to HIS will. That means the things we want, may not be His will. We can't change His mind, heart, or situation. HE is on the throne. Think about that. How encouraging :) Another thing the Lord has reminded me of lately is serving. I have a heart to serve, a heart for people, and a burden for my generation...yet the flesh is lazy, fearful, too quiet. My prayer is that the Lord would break this shell of mine so I can be BOLD and courageous for Him. There is an entire world of lost souls... how heartbreaking to me it is that Christ isn't even an option for them. My prayer would be that He would place specific people in my life to be an encouragement to...and He already has. So blessed. 1 Peter 2:9 continues to come into mind, "You are a CHOSEN generation, a holy priesthood, a special people.." we are CHOSEN to bring the good news to those around us. Don't be complacent, comfortable, or lazy. Wake up.

The way Christ pursued and continues to pursue me is incredible. I can't fathom it. How precious is He. My prayer is that my heart would be undivided for Him, and that He would be my portion.

Same for you :)

Psalm 86:11