seasons.

Being home for break has opened my eyes to many new experiences and perspectives on life. I know...not something you would expect in such a short amount of time. It's really made me see that God truly does EVERYTHING for His purpose and will. I've had to deal with failure, death, rejection, brokenness... but in all those emotions.. God has blanketed me with peace, joy and contentment. You wouldn't think that would be the emotions I would express and in fact, they weren't the first ten minutes of finding out news. There were a few instances where I cried, yelled, and asked God firmly, "WHAT are You doing God!??... come on!" I used to think that it was hypocritical to be angry with God... that it was wrong and we should never yell at Him or even wonder why He's doing what He's doing. I've come to realize and be okay with the fact that without even telling Him, God already KNOWS you're angry!!! Might as well confess it and ask Him to help you. That's what I had to do. But it wasn't just the fact that I was angry with God.. my heart was breaking BECAUSE I was angry with Him. I remember being in my room pleading with God, "I am so sorry... I never want to be angry with You!" but we're human. Sometimes, it's just human nature that we are angry with God. I've come to know that in hard times and horrible situations, God isn't doing these things TO US.... He's doing these things FOR US. There's a huge difference. I hate when people say, "Why did God do this to me? He has no idea what the heck is going on." God isn't doing things TO YOU, He's doing things because it is all in His plan for your life, so really, you benefit from it! You are going to be blessed and overjoyed later down the road because you trusted in Him to get you through it...and He will.

Yes, I have been mad at God, questioning His motives, and wondering WHY He's doing what He's doing but you know... every single time I yell, question, wonder, ask, cry..God gives me scripture in the Bible that always has to do with TRUSTING in Him. It alllllll comes back to trust. Sure, things in my life didn't play out exactly the way I wanted them to, but God did them FOR ME... to help me, to reassure me that He knows what He's doing. It is OKAY.

The passage of scripture at the top came from last night's Daily Light. As I was pleading with God, asking Him about my future, what He wanted, where He wanted to lead me, He gave me that passage... so perfect because I truly was saying, "What are you doing?! You sure You care?" God cares, always. And ya know... throughout these experiences and circumstances, I can only hope and pray it's all used for His glory.

He is beautiful :) And I have not felt greater joy, peace, love, and contentment than I do now.. in his difficult season. It's JUST a season. It will come and go. The Christian life is not easy. God never promised it would be perfect, but He promised it would be worth it.