He is for all mankind.

Imagine this, ladies. You go walking one day by yourself to pray or think about things. Suddenly, someone appears to you, but he seems rather...different. It isn't your usual person saying 'hi' as you walk past each other on the street. This man seems....different...holy or something. He tells you that you were chosen by God to have His only Son. You can't muster up any other words but... "Are you sure? No, this can't be. I haven't been with anyone. Plus, what will my family think? What about my friends? It's 2010. People talk. They'll think I'm promiscuous. I refuse. No no no." The guy continues to explain, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine... it's going to work out." Then leaves. Next thing you know, weeks later, your baby bump starts forming and people stare. Your friends turn their backs on you. They sit there asking who you even are anymore. Your family is disgusted and refuse to have any part in a relationship with you anymore. You're lonely. You have no one to talk to and you can't simply understand why God has chosen you to bear His child. You don't understand why you, out of all the other people in the world, He chose for such a divine purpose.

Oh yeah...none of this is a dream either. It's REAL LIFE. Can you seriously imagine that? It's what Mary had to go through as the angel of the Lord came and spoke to her. She nearly questioned it all... "How can this be? I have not been with any man." But did Mary refuse? Did she say she wouldn't do it? Of course not. Her exact words were: "Let it be done to me, according to Your word." Wow... can you imagine what that must have been like for a 15 year old girl, living in the time period she lived in? In those times, when a young girl was pregnant out of wedlock... the punishment was death. They were summonsed to get stoned. Man, take one look around you today and it's normal for women and young girls to get pregnant out of wedlock. It's simply horrible, and SINFUL.

Yet, Mary knew that God was bigger and greater than anything she had to face here on earth. Joseph also was upset with it all. He wasn't sure whether she had been unfaithful, and he even contemplated stoning his wife. Yet, in a dream, God spoke to him. When he woke up, he knew that it was exactly what God wanted for their life: to carry the Savior who would save all mankind.

Women, can you possibly imagine this? Can you fathom this? Mary was only 15. She was chosen to conceive a child EVEN THOUGH she had not been with a man. Her husband had to deal with it all. Her Son who she was to conceive (Jesus) was going to eventually die on the cross for all of mankind. I can't even wrap my head around it all. The Lord's plans for my life thus far have been adventurous, scary, exciting, and often times frightful. But..for me to carry a baby without being with a man, then to come and find out my baby was going to die for the sins of the world. Wow...it's something I simply cannot understand, or fathom. It's amazing.

As I watch "The Nativity" every Christmas, I just want to cry through the entire movie. What a sweet and precious woman Mary was, even in her young age. The most High and Holy God chose her out of all the women in the world, to carry His Son and to bring Him into the world. Mary and Joseph knew that their Son was for all mankind. They knew the divine purpose and plan God had laid on their lives from the get go. Mary willingly allowed her Heavenly Father to do whatever He wanted. What obedience, faithfulness and devotion she portrayed for Her King.

As I ponder that...I'm in awe. I know that the devotion and faithfulness Mary showed to her King is the same devotion and faithfulness I need to show to my Heavenly Father as well. Oh, how I yearn to be more like Mary.

Once Jesus was born, people from all over came to see this beautiful, miraculous Child. All Mary could say was, "He is for all mankind." It's simply mind boggling.

Jesus Christ... He was the One born into this world...God in the image of flesh... to die for ME, for you, for the sins of the whole world. It's something that is just too incredible to think upon.

Every Christmas, I remind myself to true reason for the holiday...and that's Jesus. As I have begun getting into the habit of watching "The Nativity" every Christmas...it really gives me a deeper and more meaningful thought on what the Christmas season is truly all about.

My heart lately has been so empty..but SO full of Jesus. It's all I've needed, and all I've wanted. My prayer constantly is that, I wouldn't be filled with love, peace, joy, friends, family, riches, material possessions, or anything else...but the ONLY thing I would be filled with would be Jesus.

He is truly all I want. He is all I need. Everything else in this world is simply...nothing on my list. Jesus is enough, and I am more than willing to say that out loud. I am madly in love with Him.

He chose to go to the cross...just as Mary chose to bare God's Son for me... Jesus went to the cross at Calvary and died in MY place. That should have been me up there. How can I not willingly and lovingly give Him my entire life? There is no greater joy, no greater reward, and no greater fulfillment than walking hand in hand with Jesus.

Nothing can be better.

So, as Christmas comes at us quickly, I pray that our hearts would be empty, but so full of just Jesus. He is the reason we celebrate, and He is all we need. Praying that our hearts would be Christ centered and 'others' centered, and that our fulfillment would be in Christ alone.

rejoicing.

Tonight, I am rejoicing with joy inexpressible. I can't comprehend it, I can't fully explain it, I can't even physically show enough of it all. My God is extremely sovereign, victorious, faithful and merciful. Tonight was one of those intimate moments with Jesus, just rejoicing, crying and thanking Him unconditionally for what He has done for me.

I have had a discouraged attitude, an attitude of self seeking desire, wondering why I was so selfish, not always willing to serve like I should. I kept praying prayers such as: "Lord, please, change my heart. I want, I yearn to be a servant..more than ever before. Why am I so selfish sometimes? Why is my flesh always in the way?" I became to understand tonight the reasons why. First off...I wasn't even fully sure I had been baptized with the Holy Spirit, so that's a whole different story. After I had formally prayed that prayer... the Lord began to reveal my eyes as to what my problem has been. I just love when He reveals my sin. It isn't always nice, or pretty to see...and most of the time I'm convicted beyond belief.

Yet, it was so precious as to what He showed me. For so long I had been so "SELF" focused, and not "others" focused. Sure I love people and my loved ones, I pray for them, but am I honestly the precious servant that the Lord wants me to be? To the fullest? I'm being honest when I say no.

For so long I have thought, 'how do I feel? how do I look? how do I come across to others?' me me me, I, I, I, blablablablabla ANNOYING!!!!!

Seriously, it's sickening. My sweet precious friend and her husband have been brought into my life for such a unique reason. The Lord used her to draw me back into His precious will. He led her to encourage me to surrender and give my life fully over to Him. Now, 2 years later, we are the best of friends. Her husband spoke at church tonight and made a good point: "If you sit and look at yourself in the mirror constantly, you're going to get sick of it!" HAHA so true! And for so long, that's been ME. Looking at myself in the mirror constantly, looking at 'self self self', wondering what do I need to make me feel better? What should I go do to make me happy? Wow..can you say sickening? Because let's get serious, I'm sick of myself.

So, as the Lord opened my eyes tonight I felt extremely convicted. I mean, this life isn't my own. I don't belong to this world and my citizenship is in heaven. So, who cares what I look like to others? Or what others think? The only thing I want to accomplish in this world until I go home to be with Jesus is that people have nothing awful or great to say about me other than: "She talked about Jesus a lot, it was kinda weird. All she did was say how much she loved Him and how much her life was dedicated to serving Him. Whatever." THAT is all I want people to remember me for. Do you think people know me like that now? Sad to say I'm sure not everyone does. Maybe most do.

Yet, that is the purpose of my life you guys. It SHOULD be the purpose of yours too. Not about how many relationships you can have, how beautiful you look, how tan you are, how skinny you are, how much money you make. I know I go over this quite a lot...but the Lord really allowed it to hit home with me tonight. If I would, for like...2 minutes get over mySELF and start thinking upon others, through the help of His Holy Spirit I can soooo be the servant and lover that I yearn to be..for Him and for others.

I don't want the words, 'me', 'I', or 'self' in my vocabulary anymore. I don't want to even THINK them. Oh, my prayer is that my heart and mind would constantly be praying and saying, 'what can I do for OTHERS today?' or, 'who needs encouragement today?' and honestly, I don't care if I get recognition, in fact, I wouldn't do ANY of these things if people were to thank me. I don't need thank you's, blessings, or smiles...all I need is the satisfaction of knowing that the Lord thinks that I am precious and honorable in His sight. That's all that matters.

So, as He revealed to me my sin, and how 'self' focused I had become, I began to cry out to the Lord that He would truly change my heart...major time. I want to wake up in the morning thinking upon Him of course..but thinking upon OTHERS. This life isn't about me. I was blessed and moved at what the Lord showed me through my daily devotional. Here's what tonight said:

"The dust will return to the earth as it was. The body is sown in corruption. It is sown in dishonor. It is sown in weakness. It is sown a natural body. The first man was of the earth, made of dust. Dust you are, and to dust you shall return. One dies in his full strength, being wholly at ease and secure. Another man dies in the bitterness of his soul, never having eaten with pleasure. They lie down alike in the dust, and worms cover them. My flesh. . .will rest in hope. After my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see GOD. The Lord Jesus Christ. . .will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself. Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am. So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

[Eccles. 12:7; 1 Cor 15:42-44; 1 Cor 15:47; Gen 3:19; Job 21:23, 25-26; Ps. 16:9; Job 19:26; Phil 3:20-21; Ps 39:4; Ps 90:12]


So you see, you guys, the Lord has opened my eyes after months of wondering, questioning, being discouraged...but it's all because I was so worried about me and what I needed, what I wanted. When did I have time to think upon others? Or ask the Lord to fill me with His Spirit for strength? I love how when you read the Word, it's like He reveals new things each time you read the same passage over and over again. Is He incredible or what?

My God is sovereign. That's all I can really say. So, as I got finished with my precious time with Him, I began to fold some laundry..yea great stuff. Yet, I couldn't help but to SMILE and then, tears came falling down my face. I knew, that through all the oppression, the discouragement, the thoughts of loneliness, despair, curiosity, wonder... the Lord had been with me the entire time. He was waiting for HIS precious timing to reveal His complete purpose for it all. Honestly, it was at the most perfect time, too. I haven't had such a sweet overwhelming sense of joy and love for my God since last year. I feel this way every day, but it's once in a while that He truly does something to break down the walls of discouragement and reveal His precious plans to you. It may take time...but the waiting process is the best, because through it, He shows you His love, His patience and His goodness.

What could be better? I can't help but to tell satan what a low life he is. Yeah, satan, you can try to tempt me, trip me, oppress me, but I have a GOD who is Greater, Mightier, Higher than you'll ever be. You won't win, ever.

My GOD is awesome, powerful, sovereign, faithful, merciful. What can be better? It's one of those moments where I can honestly sit back and say that no matter what comes my way...what trials fall on me, what tribulations knock on my door...my GOD is victorious, and when you pray the prayer that He would help you overcome your obstacle...wait in silence, at His feet because deliverance will come. He never fails you.



"In Christ alone, my hope is found
He is my Light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firmed through the fiercest drought and storm


What heights of love what depths of peace
When fears are still when strivings cease
My Comforter my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand.


There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again


And as He stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ


No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny


No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns, or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

just give me Jesus.

Lately, the Lord has put a few things on my heart to really draw me nearer to Him. For a few months now He has shown me what it's truly like to live. It isn't all about the cultural beauty, material possessions, friends, popularity, ect. He has shown me that the purpose of living, is living a life of simplicity, of holiness and of purity. This is the life I yearn to live and why? Simply, because my Jesus has given all He had (His life) for my ransom. What else could I possibly live for?

I have seen Him bring me out of the pit of broken hearts, promiscuity, bitterness, unforgiveness, brokenness, loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness. I mean...the list goes on and on and on. I can honestly say that my life with Jesus has been nothing less than joyful, peaceful, and worth living. The life I lived before...useless, empty and depressing. So, why would I not choose to live sold out for Him? Why would I not choose to live simply, and in holiness?

I fall short almost every day and I'm sick of myself. Yet, I know that the Lord is faithful. He knows I am but dust. He has shown me, that a life away from the cultural norms is a life of joy. Sure, it's a life of barely anything aside from Him...but who cares? I love it. I have learned that in whatever state I'm in, I am to be content and REJOICING with joy inexpressible. I believe He is also preparing me for what is to come...because at Bible College, there are no TV's, barely any music, and not a lot of internet ;) So I am soooo thankful and blessed He has taken these few months to prepare me mentally and spiritually. What an awesome, powerful God I serve.

So, as He has been teaching me to live a life of simplicity, I can honestly say it's a life worth living. Just this past Sunday my mom spoke at our annual Christmas Dessert at church. The theme was "Glory to God in the Highest" and it was EVERYTHING I needed to hear, and everything the Lord had been teaching me in this season of my life! She spoke on living simply, saying 'goodbye' to all the unnecessary distractions this world has to offer. She spoke on living in holiness and how the Lord is to be our cornerstone, our rock and our focus in this life. At the end of her message, my mom shared a video by Anne Graham Lotz. Daugher of Billy Graham who is a famous evangelical speaker across the world, she is probably one of the most impacting speakers of her time.

What a precious virtuous woman of God she is. This video made me cry. It made me think of the prodigal, the lost, the searching, the broken, the helpless. It made me think of who I used to be apart from Christ. It made me realize the gratitude and thankfulness I need to portray to my wonderful Savior for all He has done for me.

No matter where you are in life, who you are, what you've been through or where you plan on going...God is real, powerful, sovereign, and He's pursuing you, I just know it. To repent of your sin and believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ...now that is a life worth living. Please, watch this. And truly let it sink into your heart. I know the Lord has something for you through this.

wait.

I have found that in my own sin and ignorance I have been trying to alter the plans God has for me. I have tried to rush them, change them, bargain with Him about them. As I think upon all that the Lord has already done for me, why in the world would I want to change anything else He has in store? Everything He's done so far has been extremely perfect in His will and timing.

The distractions of this life are so huge. They can tear at you until you cave into the sins you once used to be involved in. I have come back to a place of knowing that simplicity of just Jesus is the purest, holiest, most precious form of living. I obviously own a computer, a cell phone, a television, movies, music, ect ect ect. Those things are wonderful until they suck the time, energy and life out of you and cause you to have nothing left for the Lord. Sad life, isn't it?

I have found that I, too, have become to obsessed with the cultures of the world. Nothing morally wrong or debased, just things that draw me away from the Lord. Once that happens, you can find yourself unsatisfied, discontent, wondering how your life could be different. Isn't satan so lame?

He knows our weaknesses, the things that can draw us away from God. So he tries to use them so that we would stumble and fall. God is much more victorious, but we have to be willing to surrender and sacrifice all these things onto His lap and say 'Ok, Lord..no more. YOU are in control.'

You'd think by the millionth time of these things happening we would learn. But we don't. I wonder why that is. I'm sure the Lord weeps for His children quite often. I'm sure He grieves over the fact that our sin often times becomes more powerful than our desire to be holy. I, too, have been at fault for this.

The desire and passions of this life (should be) that our aim would be to walk in holiness, purity and righteousness. Our aim should be to seek the things which are above, where Christ is and not things of the earth. Nothing in this world/life can possibly satisfy like Jesus. Who is like Him? No one.

So, as I came across my aggravation, dissatisfaction, discontentment, annoyances, and the list goes on....I have come to find that it's my problem because I've let my own pride, selfishness and sin get into the way of what the Lord truly wants to do. Whether it be the plans for now or for the future. It is His command that we surrender it ALL unto Him. It is His command that as children of God we are to let go and let GOD do the work.

We try to rush the plans? They end up disastrously. We try to change the plans and we end up in brokenness. We try to go about them our own way and we end up in sin.

I want to share a poem with you that truly pierced my heart. Praying that you, too, will WAIT upon the Lord for every single thing in your life. Big or small, it's nothing He doesn't want to lead and direct. Trust Him.



I said, "Let me walk in the field";
God said, "No, walk in the town";
I said, "There are no flowers there";
He said, "No flowers, but a crown."


I said, "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back, "There is more,"
He said, "there is sin."


I said, "But the air is thick,
And smog is veiling the sun";
He answered, "Yet souls are sick,
And your work is yet undone."


I said, "I will miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me,
"Choose tonight, If I am to miss you, or they."


I pleaded for time to be given;
He said, "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide."


I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town;
He said, "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"


Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.


- George McDonald -

come away.

One of the sweetest things we can do as believers is come away to a deserted place and worship Jesus. It's when we spend quality time with Him, praising Him, adoring Him, thanking Him for all He has done in our lives. The Lord has truly shown me that prayer and a precious quiet time with Him every single day is what is most delighted in His sight.

I fall so short at this. Especially with all the distractions in this life, as I have had family staying with us for quite a while...it's easy to wake up in the morning and in your mind think of the list of ridiculous amounts of things you have to do that day..then your thoughts and desire to spend time with the Lord vanish. What happened? The Lord delights in YOU. He so desires that you come away and praise Him.

The Bible says that the effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. How often do we honestly pray? And I'm not saying laying down in bed thanking Him for your day, which is fine...but how often do we set aside time to truly pray? More than just 5 minutes?

As the Lord had been pressing this issue upon my heart lately, He gave me Psalm 84:5, "Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage."

In the dictionary, the word pilgrimage means: "A journey, a long one, made to some sacred place as an act of religious devotion."

Wow. Just think about that. The Lord loves when our hearts are set on devoting our time unto Him. We are called every single day to be pursuing pilgrimage. We are called to come away to a secret and precious place and devote our all unto Him... daily!

Boy...do I fall short of this sometimes. It should be our hearts cry...our hearts desire that we WANT to come away and spend time with Him. My hearts prayer is that I don't just 'want' to pray, but I would need to pray in order to survive before my day continues. Prayer is such an important part of our Christian lives. As we continue in our relationships with the Lord, it's how we communicate, how we hear from Him, it's how mountains can be moved. Prayer is a POWERFUL thing. No wonder people go around saying, 'my prayers are never answered'.

Maybe it's because you don't spend enough time thanking the Lord for His goodness, and devoting yourself to a prayer life with Him. This has been a rude awakening to me too.

I've gone over this before, but it's such a burden upon my heart for me and for everyone else who is walking with the Lord. We are commanded to come away to a deserted place each and every day, to spend time with our Savior. He is so worthy and deserving. Our time that we have been given is not so that we can waste it on idle things, on things of the world...but our time is to be spent worshiping the Lord, glorifying Him and furthering His kingdom. With these, He shall be satisfied.

How often do you come away and spend time with Him? When was the last time you just stopped everything and communicated with Him in a precious way? It isn't just what we should want or need, it's what He commands of us.

"One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple." Psalm 27:4

the reason for it all.

As another year of Thanksgiving has come, I know that we all sit and ponder what we are truly thankful for. I don't think that enough hours in the day could sincerely explain all that I'm thankful for. The Lord has done so much for me...it's all too much to even say. As I was reading my Daily Light and thinking about all the things He has done for me, I couldn't help but to think about the cross. It's power, it's strength. The cross is the entire reason my life is even possible. It is what has allowed me to plow on in hope, in the faith, and in the love of Christ. The cross is the reason for everything in my life. It's true!

Because Jesus CHOSE to willingly die on the cross for me, I have become victorious over sin. Not because of me, but because of Him. Due to His death on the cross, I am able to overcome the chains of bondage that I used to sit in. Have you ever truly thought about that? The bondage of sin? When I think about the chains of bondage, I mostly think about someone whose arms and legs are locked into stocks or chains, that are nailed or cemented to the ground. You can't move at all. Whether you try to break your arms and legs free by yourself you know that you'll fail. What can help you break out of that? Well, something huge and supernatural. Obviously the one main thing is the key that unlocks those chains to set you free. That's Jesus. He is the key..the only hope and answer to unlock us or free us from our bondage.

I can't begin to tell you the heavy weight of yuck I used to feel while in bondage to sin. It was as if I was never joyful. Clouds of darkness always loomed about. It was like my heart was constantly taking a beating and every thought in my mind was either evil, dark, or sinful. Ugh! I don't know about you, but I am SO THANKFUL the Lord decided to set me free from those chains! It's all the power of the cross. Jesus took those sins and nailed them to the cross at Calvary. What precious truth. What a beautiful picture of my life. It's all because of the cross.

What is there in the past life that I could want now? Nothing! Jesus has done and given me more than enough. I am so blessed and so thankful for it all. Everything that I need I have right here. It's incredible. I would never want to rewind the time back two years ago, or five years ago to relive it. Those times I don't even want to remember.

While reading my Daily Light tonight the Lord gave me this verse:
"When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now haing been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life." Romans 6:20-22

It totally struck something in my heart. It's so true! I was an ENEMY of righteousness. Can you believe it? What a sorrowful life that was. I can't live without the righteousness and holiness of the Lord anymore! Also, what did I have back then that I could want, now that I'm ashamed of it all? Pshhhhh nothing! There's a reason I am ashamed of it all! haha! The Lord has done that in my heart. His death on the cross has allowed me to HATE the things the world loves. It has allowed me to look back upon my sinfulness in the past, my relationship with the world, and be ashamed. I was destined for hell. I was on my way to death for the rest of my life. Due to the love of Jesus, His choice to go to the cross, I am FREE FROM BONDAGE!

I just love those words :) Free from bondage. It's like I want to climb a huge mountain and then just scream on the top of my lungs for all the world to hear, "JESUS SAVED ME! I AM FREE FROM BONDAGE!" It's so dang precious! It's so sweet! I can't get over it. Instead of hell, where I should have gone, Jesus wanted something better for me. Eternal life in heaven was what He had in mind.

Boy, am I thankful. Why can't people see that? The Lord wants something so much better for them than what they have going for themselves. Yet they go on about their daily routines, the affairs of the world, not thinking or caring about any of it. Sometimes, I too do that. It's so sad.

My earnest prayer is that the Lord would pour the love and forgiveness He displayed on the cross, into my own life. I so pray that I would love others unconditionally and forgive them. Yea sounds so cliche and stupid. But it's easier said than done, especially for those in our lives who are hard to love. Yet, that's the power of Christ. It's the power of the cross.

With the cross, with Jesus..everything and anything is possible. I have seen freedom from alcohol, sexual immorality, unforgiveness, bitterness, hurt, hate, dependency...the list goes on and on. And those are all attributes of my LIFE! Well, the former life.

What joy I have knowing that my former life is GONE. In the past, never around. It's completely over. This new life, this precious beautiful life because of the blood of Jesus has allowed me to be set free. It has allowed me to have a reserved place in heaven. Ah! Sometimes I just get too excited thinking about it.

To think, that the God of this universe would pursue me all the days of my life..loving me, reaching out to me, forgiving me..even when I was in open rebellion and sin.

I challenge you to look at your life daily to see what/who you're living for. Who or what are you living for? The Bible reiterates over and over again, "Keep yourself from idols". Idols aren't just carved images. They're people, thoughts, emotions, places, material items, addictions. They can be just about anything we put in front of God. I truly challenge you to look at how you live your life hour by hour.

Each day is a gift. I wake up blessed that the Lord has chosen to allow me another day on this earth. He hasn't allowed it to be good so that I can have fun. He's allowed it because it's another opportunity to glorify Him in every area of my day. Many times I take this for granted. I go about my day and then when it's time for bed I'll think, 'man, where did it go? did I even use it, AT ALL, to glorify God?' It's humbling.

My prayer is that I especially, and you, would wake each morning with Him. I pray that we would SERIOUSLY consider our hours, our minutes, that they would be devoted and dedicated to our Jesus. If you think about that and say 'really? i have a life too' then are you even truly walking in the truth? Is God truly on your side? As followers and slaves of Jesus, we ought to be yearning for Him every minute of every hour of every day. We ought to be seeking holiness for our lives, and wanting to glorify Him in our daily lives. I will be so blessed and thankful if He chooses for me to wake up again tomorrow. I just know that it's because He wants me to be the faithful steward to bring His good news to those around me.

I hear this said from a friend of mine very recently: It isn't God's business to make you happy, it's His business to make you holy.

Friends, it's time we stop seeking the Lord when we want something or when we need something. We need to be seeking the Lord, on our faces, daily in adoration, praise, thanksgiving. He is not our doorman or bellhop, He is the Almighty GOD, the Ruler of the world. He has the power to take our lives away or to build them up to something glorious for Him. What would you rather have?

On this Thanksgiving, I am praising Him more and more for His love and forgiveness in my life. It astounds me. My only hurt, my only sadness is that I have not used my hours and days to the best that I could. My hurt is that He will come back for His church and say "Child, you could have done so much more."

My earnest prayer is that my hours and minutes would be devoted, dedicated and well spent praising Him, honoring Him and glorifying Him. He is so deserving.

May your heart be steadfast on Him as well. Let us not forget the true reason we are here on this earth. The cross has given us reason to live, reason to go on, reason to be set free from the death and sin of the world. Why would we want to live for anyone or anything else? Jesus' death on the cross is the reason for all that we are.

May we be most thankful for HIM. It is to Christ we owe it all, folks. We are nothing. He is everything.

hollywood.

I just want to share this video with you because not only does it make me smile, but the lyrics are GREAT! Listen so so carefully to the lyrics. It's the point I'm making. Plus... it's Michael Buble...come on people, he's pretty amazing :)



So don't go higher for desire. Thank you, Michael! So true! I was thinking about hollywood lately, and how it's so hard for every single hollywood couple to stay MARRIED now a days. They give marriage a bad name, and they give divorce glorification which it shouldn't be because its SIN. It's so sad to see all the people who eat up the lime light. They keep pursuing until they get more money, more fame, more beauty, more material things. It's really sad. I love this song because to me, it shares how much you'll be slowly killing yourself being 'famous' and in the spot light. Now, I can only hope Michael truly feels that way ;)

The only thing I disagree with is when he says you can find 'it' in yourself. First of all, what's 'it'? Pretty sure it's happiness, joy, and love. Yet, of course we know we can only find that in Jesus. But over all, I absolutely love this message :) It's pretty spectacular. Am I surprised? Michael brings out a new catchy song all the time! It's great!!

Sometimes I have to remind myself that the pretty things, the popular things, the famous things in life really will only slowly kill you. As I find myself looking in the mirror too much, losing a bunch of weight, trying different kinds of makeup, it's like...who am I really trying to impress here? Is it even worth impressing people? No. The scriptures say that if you were still to please man you would not be a bondservant of Christ. I am a slave of Jesus. HE is the only One I want to 'impress' if that's the right word. We can't even impress Jesus. We're not called to. We're called to walk in holiness, to glorify Him in our daily lives, and to walk worthy of the calling with which He has called us. Now that is something to live by.

The world is passing away. This isn't my home. I have an eternal home in heaven and I can't wait to get there. Daily may I remind myself that my work here is short, and that I need to continue to hourly walk worthy of the calling with which I was called.

I pray the same for you :)

I just LOVE Michael Buble :)

celebration.

This past weekend I celebrated my 22nd birthday! It's crazy to think that I'm already past the age of 20. I remember my 19th birthday, my 20th birthday, AND my 21st birthday. They all seemed like they were only recently. It's crazy how time flies! As I look upon my age and the standards of what you're supposed to be at this age, it's insane! I know a lot of my friends are only 22 and they're married. CRAZY! Some of my friends are 22 and they've graduated college already. Again...nuts! I am so oober blessed at what the Lord has done for me these past few years. I remember where I was at 20, and let me tell you... I am SO THANKFUL I'm not there right now.

I remember thinking then, 'I will never overcome this, I will never get over this'. Many trials and struggles were happening and I didn't think that they'd ever go away. Now, two years later, I can't even believe all that the Lord has done for me. It's like, is this real? Sometimes I just want to pinch myself :) It's such an incredible feeling.

Through all the fears, worries, struggles, tribulations, heartaches....He's been victorious in and through me. Nothing that I've done has been of myself. Everything that has happened has been because the Lord has been so gracious and merciful to redeem me.

As I woke on my birthday, I couldn't help but thank Him for so much. I prayed that He would make this birthday a particularly special one. As I was spending time with Him, I couldn't help but think that there was an even deeper meaning to the celebration going on. Yes, the Lord has chosen to give me physical life. For that, I am grateful :) Yet, He has given me something so much more precious, so much more special, that if I didn't have it, this whole life would be meaningless, it would be pointless. He has chosen to give me ETERNAL life. Something that is far more exciting to celebrate!!! Because of my sin, and my ugliness, Jesus chose to go to the cross and die in my place. He has given me eternity. He has prepared and is preparing a place in heaven for ME. How stinkin' incredible.

I couldn't help but to think that my God was the best. :) It's so true. Yes, I am so thankful that He has given me life, yet I am even more thankful that He has given me eternity. He has chosen to die in my place on Calvary and He has taken my sins, the ones I committed, do commit, and will commit...and nailed them to the cross. It's something that I sometimes can't even fathom.

That's something to celebrate! I am so blessed by Him. Each new day proves to me that there is nothing greater in this life than His love, His grace, and His forgiveness. He has chosen to give me LIFE. Eternal life.

As I was praying I also couldn't help but to thank God for my parents. They chose to have me! I began to pray for all the moms on that day that were contemplating abortion. Oh, what sweet precious babies inside of them. My prayer is that every mom contemplating abortion would chose LIFE.

God surely blessed my birthday. Friends, family and good food :) I wasn't feeling all that great, but He still chose to bless me!

There is truly nothing and no one greater, than the King who holds my heart, life, dreams, and future. What joy...what love..what promise. The promise of eternity, and the promise of the One who is worth living for.

preparation stages.

Oh, how the Lord is so good to be guiding me all along His way. When I was back at Illinois State, I was going through a time of really praying about where the Lord had wanted me to go with my life. Ministry had now become the prime area I wanted to be a part in, but I was still unsure what He was doing. I knew that my heart had changed. I knew that I didn't just want to be a part of a Wednesday night Bible study, or go to a Sunday morning church service. I didn't just want to love on others, or share the love of Christ with my friends. No...I wanted to do so much more. It was unusual (in a good way!)

As I was at school the Lord really spoke to me a lot through 1 Peter 2. The first verse He gave me while away was 1 Peter 2: 9 and it says:

"But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light."

It was true that He had taken me out of a life of darkness and despair, to a life of joy, and comfort. He had taken me out of the filth and wretchedness to a life of purity. I was spotless in Him. I AM spotless in Him. Only by His grace. I knew that I was chosen. I already told you, but I knew three years ago at a conference in California, that He had chosen me for something far greater than I could ever imagine. I wasn't sure (and I'm still not) what exactly that is...but that's ok.

I knew from then on I was born to be unusual, different, weird I guess you could say! I wasn't like everyone else... I had a higher calling and purpose on my life that the Lord wanted to take me through. This verse continued to confirm that. I knew that in my generation, being chosen was not easy. With all that surrounds me and all the things of the world. It's not easy standing out in a crowd of people going against everything they stand for. But you know what, who cares? I'm not here to please them, I'm only here to bring glory to God. That's what my life's all about.

As I was called into ministry, the Lord kept continuing to confirm it through His word. Just the other night I sat down with my parents and talked about future plans. Going to Bible College in January is probably the most exciting thing, ever! I am thrilled! Yet I still worry that I won't be used there for ministry, or that I'll go and come out and end up stuck somewhere I'm not liking. The usual lame stuff. I know the Lord has called me into a lifestyle of simplicity. More than ever before. It's crazy.

So, what does He have? We talked about missions, about worship. Yet, I continue to firmly believe that it's not about 'what' ministry, it's about ministry..period. Wherever the Lord places me, it's a ministry. Look at my job. I am there, amongst a bunch of people who don't believe the truth. So obviously I share the good news with them, I show them what I'm about. I love on the precious children that are dropped off for most of the day, sometimes 12 hours a day. (sad) This is my ministry! For this season! Maybe God has me at Bible College to minister and encourage one young woman. Maybe she completely fell off the deep end, and the Lord wants to use me to share my life's struggles with her so she can be encouraged. Who knows? I just know that wherever I'm at, He uses me, and He continues to provide all the boldness I need.

I can't help but to think that I'm called for something big, and to be honest, it scares me a little. I am not the most eloquent if you haven't noticed. I don't like public speaking, can't stand conflict, and when it comes to voicing my own opinions, I'll be honest.. I often don't. I fear rejection, I fear people laughing at me, criticizing me, or talking behind my back. I am NOT the ideal person to be called into a lifetime of ministry! But it's so true...God uses the foolish of this world, doesn't He? (1 Corinthians 1:27) That's me. And that's where my fears come in.

As I was in bed the other night praying and spending time with the Lord, this whole topic came into my mind. This time I wasn't doubting my calling...but I was curious, I was worried that I wouldn't be fit for the ministry. The boldness in my heart isn't really there, and it aggravates me. I am not super strong when it comes to speaking out, verbally, my opinions and beliefs. So I was praying that the Lord would give me boldness, strength, courage to share the good news with those around me.

A week after the Lord gave me 1 Peter 2:9 at Illinois State, He gave me the other part of that chapter. It goes like this:

"Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 2:4-5

That really hit home to me, too. I knew then that the world was going to reject me the rest of my life and that it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was chosen by God. I was called to a purpose far greater than the eyes of the world could see, and I will do anything to fulfill that purpose.

So, a few days back, when I was contemplating the ministry and all that the Lord had for me, He reminded me of this verse. And as the fears continued in my mind, He continued to put this verse on my heart. He put it in my daily devotional, on the scripture of the day, and other places so it was clearly apparent to me! Isn't He awesome?

As I prayed for boldness and confidence in proclaiming the good news of Christ, He reminded me that I was "being built up a spiritual house". It's all preparation. I couldn't help but cry. It was as if He was reminding me, "Beloved, I am preparing you. You're not going to have it all together, and you are going to sometimes fail at it...but it's all preparation for greater things I have in store for you." It was as if He was reminding me that He was continuing to do a work inside me that was far greater than I could see. So I was honest with the Lord, telling Him that I was fearful but that I didn't care what it was He had for me. I will walk in His path and His light to wherever it takes me. Whether that's across the world, in my home, or in a different state. My purpose in this life is to live it out LOUD for Jesus. I am no one special, I am nothing awesome. I can't do anything apart from Him and so I refuse to live my life for 'self'. Self only destroys you. Jesus restores you.

So I am exceedingly blessed by the work He's doing in my heart. I can't thank Him enough for allowing me to stay home this semester so He can prepare, work, mold, and shape my heart into a woman He wants me to be. Oh, how I desire to be made into the image of Him! More and more each day.

Just as Casting Crowns sings...."All this life could offer me cannot compare to You, and I count it all as loss, compared to knowing You."

So true!

is life worth living or worth giving away?

Before I continue with anything... I want to share a video with you. Unfortunately, YouTube is LAME and won't let me post the video on here, for some odd reason....sooooo if you click this link it should go to it :) Now, I am not in ANY WAY condoning any of it. But it is going to make my point across once you are done watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koVHN6eO4Xg

So, live your life. Eh? Whether you're a believer of Jesus Christ or not, what do you think it means to truly say "Live your life to the fullest"? In listening to the lyrics of the song, it's kind of sad don't you think? I mean, money, fame, popularity... they're all great, sure. Yet, somehow I truly believe that those things fade. Once you have enough money, you'll just want more. Once people like you, you'll continue to altar yourself to make more people like you. The more famous you are, the more you continually talk about yourself, love yourself, and try to cater to yourself. Sad life. I know that before I even knew the Lord, I tried so many things to make me happy. Some things were harmless, others were harmful. Yet, I felt that even in the things that were harmless, I ended up still being empty.

This whole mentality of "chase the paper" (money) is it really satisfying? One thing I liked about the video.. his attempt and success at getting out of the old life of crime and gangs to live better and become free. Awesome. Yet, there's still so much that seems meaningless.

When I continue to think upon all that the Lord has done in my life, I think about the University I had attended before coming home. So many lost souls, so many people searching, trying to fill the void with anything and everything they can. Sure, to them it's not 'filling the void' they're simply living their life and having fun so I should back off.. right? Yet, my heart can't help but to break for these people. I look around and want so badly to love on them, care for them and do something to help. Maybe they don't need help or don't want help.

Yet, the truth is, whether or not they choose to believe it nothing they do will satisfy their longing or desires like Jesus. It's so true. When I surrendered my life to the Lord, I truly never felt an ounce of loneliness, sadness, or depression. I never wondered "What am I doing with my life?" or, "What's going to happen when I die? What's the purpose of life?"

The purpose of life, is that you have been created for a unique, beautiful purpose. God didn't create you and then say "Ok so & so, have a great life, do what you want. Live it up!" No... in fact, God created you so that you could fulfill a precious purpose in this life. Not for you, but for Him and His kingdom in heaven. You were created to make a difference. I'm not one of those people who loves to preach 'You were created to make a difference! Go out! Do community service! Share love! Give hugs!' Those are all great things, yes..but there's a deeper meaning in all this than what the eye sees. The heart must understand, we were created for GOD, and only for Him. We were created to love Him, to serve Him, and to want to spend our lives loving on others, and bringing the good news to them. This is our purpose. Ministry is a different thing. Wherever we are...it's a ministry. God has called us EACH to a divine unique purpose in this life for Him. So what are we doing with our lives?

Some may be living it for themselves. Getting drunk on weekends, experimenting with sex other days. Some may be quiet, lonely and to themselves. Others might be famous..trying to keep the money rolling in. Yet, even before I knew the Lord, I was all these things. I tried every single thing I could to try and make me happy. None of it satisfied. God pursued me in a beautiful way...He never once let me go through it all. I pray that He is pursuing you in the same way.

I know He loves you and I know He wants you to get to know Him. The sin I was in was only leading me to hell. I was a sinner, in desperate need of a Savior. My way and my end was death. Hell forever. Yet when I surrendered my life unto Jesus and began to live for Him, He prepared a place for me in heaven. An eternal home.

I say this a lot but this place is not my home. I am not excited, nor storing up treasures on this earth because someday soon, I will be going to my eternal Home... the place where I so long to get to! Heaven! I will be sitting at the feet of Jesus, worshiping Him, loving Him, listening to Him speak. Can you imagine? We go to church and worship Him most days of the week...with fellowship, song and the Bible, but can you imagine actually being NEXT to Jesus? Listening to His word? From Him? Ugh...the thought captivates me!

My eternal home is one where, when I am close to going to it, I won't be upset, sad, fearful..I'll be excited, joyful, anticipating the hour when I get to meet my Jesus face to face. Why? Because I know where I'm going.

I don't have to sit and question whether I'll be going to heaven or hell. And yes, hell is real. God spoke about hell more than anyone in the Bible. Maybe you don't question whether you're destined for heaven or hell. Maybe you think you're a good enough person so you're golden. Think again. There is no one good, the Bible says. Not one. Or, maybe you refuse to believe the fact that there's a hell and you believe when you die, nothing happens. Are you sure? How can you be so sure?

My dad makes a good point sometimes. He says, "What do you have to lose?" If you're wondering, 'seriously, this heaven/hell stuff...could it be so?' I challenge you to open up a Bible and read it. To go through it and challenge yourself. Seriously...maybe you don't believe or are confused on what to believe. But what do you have to lose?

Where are you going? Do you know? If not, please, don't wait until it's too late.

Don't just "live ya life"... because this life is so worth giving away to the One who gave His life on the cross for you. If you don't trust me as far as you can throw me....trust me on this ONE thing. It is so worth it.

"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works." Matthew 16:25-27

the road less traveled.

I don't think I need anymore proof that where I am right now is where God definitely has me. I'm not saying that I ever had reasonable doubts about leaving ISU, in fact, I never truly doubted me leaving..it's just, well, was I so sure that it was what God wanted? Or, was it because I had put thoughts into my mind so often, that what I truly wanted, coincided with what God wanted and, I made the decision based on my own feelings and emotions, rather than His. When things like that happen, more than likely they end up horribly. It isn't about us or how we truly think or feel. The Bible says that the heart is the most deceitful. So, we shouldn't 'follow our hearts' because they can lead us wrongly. Instead, we should be guiding our hearts in the Lord's direction. Where does He want me to go? What does He want me to be doing?

As the years have passed, Psalm 37 has become a favorite of mine. As I look at it now, and compare it to when I used to look back at it years ago, I can't help but to think how selfish and naive I was. "..and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Sad to say that back in the day I used to leap for joy at this verse. 'Oh wow, if I just love God..if I just obey Him, and do all He commands... He'll give me whatever I want!' Seriously? Seriously.

What selfishness, idiocy, stupidity. As I think upon this verse now, it has totally shifted in its meaning, and I thank my precious Savior for that one. It isn't about what I want. It isn't about what I truly deeply desire in MY heart. Me me me. This selfish self centered world cares about one thing: SELF. This verse clearly gives me the truth that, if I love the Lord with all my heart, serve Him, devote my all unto Him, obey His voice and do all things selflessly... the desires of my heart become HIS precious desires that He wants to plant in my life. Does that make sense? It isn't, 'Oh Lord I want a brand new car, so if I just love You, serve You, then You'll give it!' No... it's more like, 'My child, I have such precious plans for you. If you would just love me, serve me, devote your life unto me, I will reveal them unto you. The plans I have for you, the hopes and dreams I want for you...you'll begin to want.' Duh!

It isn't about what my flesh or emotions or heart want. It's more like...what are God's plans and desires for my life? I thank Him ever so much that they have become MY desires. So the verse truly rings clear and precise in my life. I love Him so incredibly much, that the desires, hopes, dreams and plans He has for me, have truly become my own desires and He has began to unravel them and guide me in the right direction.

More than a year ago, my heart began to grow immensely for the hearts of the lost. Not only did I go to church more than twice a week, but it was more than that. I so deeply yearned that I would eat, sleep, breathe, live the ministry and the love of Jesus. That it would overflow into me and out of me, poured out for others so that they could see the beauty, realness, and deep joy of knowing our Lord. I would stay up at night journaling my thoughts about Him. I would write the deepest most intricate desires of my heart about the ministry. What ministry? I'm not exactly sure. I'm still not 100% sure about 'which' ministry. That's not super important right now though. All I knew at the time, was that my hearts passion and deepest yearning had grown from self to the cross. Serving the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength. And I truly meant that. I didn't want to be a 'hearer' only but a doer of the Word. Literally.

I tried hiding these emotions because I knew the affect they would have on my friends, my family. I tried reasoning with the Lord because I wasn't so sure that it was His precious will. 'Lord, I don't know. I mean seriously. I'm not all that great. I wouldn't want to go there just because it's pretty. I don't want to change majors just because this one is difficult. I don't want to do something completely different because I'd have to start all over.'

I was serious in reasoning with the Lord, but every time I tried reasoning, the more intense and convicted I felt about ministry. So, I continued to take it to the Lord. By the time seven or eight months rolled on by, it was as if I wanted to scream out loud on top of a mountain. I wasn't doing what I knew I should be doing. I wasn't the person I used to be. The joy, the achievement, the grace... it was all stripped out of my life. Doors began to close. Difficulties arose. Hardships grew. Depression and uncertainty never left. It was as if the 'love' I once had for what I wanted to do grew into the coldness and dissatisfaction. I knew my calling. I knew my destiny. I knew His will for me.

So, as the Summer came I was so glad, so free. Yet, I knew once August rolled around I would be miserable once again, only doing what I was doing to please others. The love for the ministry only grew. God continued to open doors for it and confirm it through people and circumstance. Yet, here I was, allowing fear and uncertainty to stand in my way.

It's incredible to me to think that through all that, through the hustle and bustle of the university life, through many failures, hardships, difficulties, and depression... God re-directed me. He turned the wheel completely around regardless of my disobedience. That right there, folks, shows you how merciful our God is. Through our sin and lack of obedience, His will STILL remains. Regardless. So you say I'm a firm believer in fate? Well I'm not sure. But I do know one thing. When God has plans for you, nothing stands in His way. He may be pursuing you, yet, you could careless. He may be directing you somewhere and you keep shoving it deep down and ignoring it. Well don't think it's going away because He's only going to bring it up more and more until you submit to His authority and obey His precious voice. He is so sovereign.

So here I am. I can't believe all He's done in and through me, and all He continues to do. Every time I sit and spend time with Him and reason with him, 'Lord, are you sure now? I mean, I can go back into what I was doing. I'm no one special...I'm less than ordinary, Lord. Are you sure You've chosen me?' He only responds with the simple truths, 'I have called you to ministry. I will lead you and guide you.' Ok, Lord. I believe You.

So, I won't lie. It's been an easy transition from there to here. God provided a job two weeks after I came home from school. The money comes in. He has opened doors for ministry opportunities here at my home church. He's given grace and mercy to me while learning to play the guitar. He has opened my eyes to sin and things that I needed to surrender and lay at His feet. He has done so much work in my heart to chisel away the parts that are unlovely. He continues to work in me for HIS good and HIS purpose alone. And every time I start to think, 'Are You sure, Lord? I'm just...me...' He always, and I mean always brings me His word in which is reminds me that yes. HE IS SURE! He has created me for His unique purpose (not my purpose, not the world's purpose, HIS unique purpose) and has set me apart...for ministry. Every time I stop and ask Him, 'Lord, are You sure California? Are You sure Bible College? I can just go somewhere close to home.' He continues to give me precise answers such as, 'I will lead you and guide you. Trust in the LORD with all your heart.' Ok, Lord. I believe You.

Never once in this whole journey have I felt like this was the wrong decision. I can't believe through my lack of obedience and all, He still chose to lead me and guide me in a specific way. Man, His plans must be far above my own! I can't even comprehend why or what He exactly has for me. And you know what...that's the exciting part. I don't want to know right now. I don't care to know. Trusting in Him has been the most beautiful, enjoyable, joyful experience of my entire life.

This life has meaning, purpose, joy, happiness. It's all because of Jesus. Yea, yea, yea, cliche. I don't care. It's the dead honest truth.

Last night as I was, again, reasoning with the Lord (I know seriously Ang, shutup already He knows what He's doing...) He again gave me confirmation of His perfect precious will for my life. You think I'd understand the first thirty times He explains it to me. Yet again, our God is a gracious merciful God. He knows we are human! He chose to say to me:
"He led them on safely. I traverse the way of righteousness, in the midst of the paths of justice. Behold, I send an Angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared. In all their affliction He was afflicted, and the Angel of His Presence saved them; in His love and in His pity He redeemed them; and He bore them and carried them all the days of old. They did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You have favored them. So You lead Your people, to make Yourself a glorious name. Lead me, O Lord, in Your righteousness because of my enemies; make Your way straight before my face. Oh, send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and on the harp I will praise You, O God, my God."

the desert place

Anybody who has walked with the Lord for quite some years knows 'the desert place'. Most of the time, we dislike to be in it. I know for me, whenever I'm found in this place it's hard for me to be joyful, excited, it's hard to press on and act like normal. Why must we go through this?

I do know one thing. In my life, I have seen me come out of the desert place with more joy, victory, and love than I had before I was sitting in it. It's one of those miraculous things God does, isn't it? He allows us to go through a dry spell in order for us to cling to Him more, trust Him more, and love Him more. It's inevitable.

There are always those seasons in my life where I'm found in the desert. These times aren't easy, I'll admit. Whenever I find myself in this specific part of my walk, I often get aggravated, annoyed, curious, confused, lonely, desperate. Yet, I can't help but to think these are what the Lord wants me to feel. He allows me to go through this period to feel these things, in order for me to abound in Him more and more. It's beautiful.

Lately, I have been sitting in the desert place. I have found myself to be trusting in Him more with my fears, future plans, desires, and self. What a wonderful, majestic God I serve, that He would allow me to go through this season in order to grow me, love me, and guide me. I always rejoice in the desert place because I know that the Lord is doing some of His best work in and through me there.

At first, I'll admit, I'm sitting asking Him why He's allowing me to go through it..yet as I continue to cling to Him and earnestly seek Him in this place, He never fails to show me that it's because He's preparing me for something far greater than I can ever see. Simply incredible.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are going to go through the desert place. It isn't because God has forsaken us, or because we have grown lazy and careless when it comes to our relationship with Him. It's simply because God wants us, He desires that we spend more time clinging to Him, trusting in Him, and allowing Him to purify our hearts for His greater purpose.

I have never once felt totally forsaken, barren, desolate in the desert place. He is so merciful to show me His faithfulness, mercy and love in these times...even when I don't even care about it, or seem to be lazy about it. God is God and He is victorious over all.

This season of going through my desert place, I have come to find that it is the most beautiful, incredible, remarkable place I could ever be in. It's because of this season that His hand is most sensitive to me, His words are most sweet to my taste, and His provision most clear to my soul. It is the desert place that I can come, sit at His feet and do nothing but pour out my sorrows, questions, fears, wonders....yet as we pour these out, all God hears is a beautiful melody. He is refining me, preparing me, doing His most precious work in and through me. What more could I ask for?

What would my relationship with Him be if I never walked through the desert place? Boring, uneventful, tedious. I would never grow, I would never be able to do the work He wants to do. If our relationship was perfect all the time, I would never need to cling to Him more and more. And I believe if it was perfect all the time, I wouldn't love Him as much as I do now. I praise God for the bumps, the dry spells and the loneliness I sometimes feel as I walk hand in hand with Him. Nothing compares to it.

May you be encouraged as you walk daily with our Jesus. May you come to realize that the desert place isn't the end of your relationship with Him, it isn't Him abandoning you for someone else...it is Him working His best work in and through you, purifying you, refining you to be all that He wants you to be. It is the Lord, doing His most precious work in you.

"Christians with the most spiritual depth are generally those who have been taken through the most intense and deeply anguishing fires of the soul. If you have been praying to know more of Christ, do not be surprised if He leads you through the desert or through a furnace of pain. Dear Lord, do not punish me by removing my cross from me. Instead, comfort me by leading me into submission to Your will and by causing me to love the cross. Give me only what will serve You best, and may it be used to rebeal the greatest of all Your mercies: bringing glory to Your name through me, according to Your will." A captives prayer: "Streams in the Desert" L.B. Cowman

everything

First and foremost, watch this clip.



Simply amazing. Now, if you've seen this before, then you know exactly what you were getting yourself into. Yet, when I first saw this, I was in the midst of my sin. I was walking in darkness rather in light, yet I knew there was something far greater than the rocky waters I was treading on. I knew that I was being called by the Lord to turn away from my sin. So, you can imagine me, watching this for the first time...simply crying and knowing that the girl in that skit, was me.

Yet, every single time I watch this video clip I still can't help but to cry. This time, I'm not crying out of conviction or out of knowing that I needed to turn away from my sin, but I cry because I am amazed, blessed, in awe of how the Lord has truly worked in my life these past three years and where He has brought me. I am amazed at His loving grace, mercy and forgiveness. Can you for one second just stop and imagine how the Lord must feel every minute of every day? His children sin against him every minute of every single day. We grieve the heart of God. Yet, do we care? Most of the time, no. Yet... we continue to do it. So, thinking upon that simple truth, it's incredible to me that He would so freely forgive us any minute we surrender and ask for it. It's always a huge reminder to forgive those around me when they mistreat me. If Jesus Christ can forgive my sins every moment of every day and still welcome me with open arms, then how can I not forgive someone, regardless of what they do to me? It's a constant reminder that I am temporary on this earth. Yet I am living for the eternal. Not for the here and now.

Wow. As I sat up in bed two nights ago pondering the Lord's work in my life, I couldn't help but to want to throw myself onto oncoming traffic. haha I know, not something you usually expect to hear right? Here's why. I have been so stupid, foolish, and pin headed. I have taken the Lord's forgiveness for granted so many times, how can He possibly choose me to lead His people into His presence? Why would He want to choose me to glorify Him and to bring others the good news? Seriously... I'm pitiful! And most of the time, I can't stand to look at me, or think about the state my heart is in. I sat on my bed in silence, for at least two hours, tears in my eyes, heavy heart, sinking feeling in my stomach, knowing that I had been sinning way more than I thought. It's so sweet how the Lord convicts us isn't it? Sure it doesn't feel that great in the moment. Yet, as His conviction and chastening comes, so does the peace, love, joy and beauty of His presence. It never fails. I have never truly known what it means to be fully broken before Him until the other night. It was so beautiful.

Watching this video continues to remind me that His forgiveness, open arms, love, and grace are in our midst every minute of every day. Yet, for those who walk with Him, we take it for granted. For those who don't know Him, they could care less. It's so sad. We are so comfortable and lazy in this life. I'm so guilty of this too. It's sickening to me sometimes the way I think and act. You'd think I would learn but I don't learn the easy way. I don't think a lot of us do. We continue to mingle on with our little lives and take for granted the breath we are given by God, with which we should be praying, sharing the good news, exposing the darkness and loving on others just as much as He loved us.

This video is such a testimony of my life. When I said I was that girl in the skit, I'm not lying. I walked with the Lord for a little while but then I fell into promiscuity. Drunkenness. Self harm. Depression. Greed. Self acceptance. I'm only being honest because I know, I taste, and I feel the Lord's forgiveness and mercy upon my life every moment of every day. For so long I was traumatized by those demons lurking about. God in His love tried with all His might to rope me in, to pull me back, and to call me home yet I was stubborn and disobedient. Many times I wanted to come back and I tried, believe me. Those demons still remained and they were keeping me in bondage. Then, one day, in full and total surrender God in His infinite majesty overcame and struck down the enemies.

I was set free. So now, as I ponder the life I lived, and look upon the life He has given me now, how can I not share with you the good news and pray for your salvation? Only He can give peace, joy, love and comfort. This world gets worse by the minute. Nothing is certain anymore. I could walk outside tomorrow and get killed. I could breathe my last breathe tonight, but you know something... I know where I'm going. Do you?

Jesus Christ willingly gave up His life so that He could become sin in place of us, so that we could have eternal life, free from bondage and full of peace and love and joy. Remarkable.

So, as you watch this clip, what are you thinking? I know that each time it comes back to me I continue to get teary eyed thanking my beloved Savior for all He has graciously done for me and through me.

The words don't come clearly to my mind to describe Him. I could never try to, either.

Video Blog Day 1.. What God is doing

I'm starting a new thing for a while... video blog! This way you guys can check up with me and see what's going down. I like it a little better considering it's more fun and exciting. I'll still be writing as well. This is day 1 :) Hope ya like!

Oh, how He loves us...

The greatest gift that was ever given to the world. We learn about it at Christmas time, Easter, often give thanks for Him at Thanksgiving.. yet still, the world has no clue the dynamic power that this Precious Gift has. God sent His only SON into the world to die for me. As I ponder that thought, I am awestruck at all that I was before I came to know Him. I was filthy, wretched, vile, unkempt, defiled. I was worth absolutely nothing and my life had no purpose. I was on the road to nowhere, and surprisingly I knew in my heart that it was true. Without the LORD, I felt lonely, I felt hopeless and unsure of my life. I had the love of family, yet I still yearned for way more than what I had ever had before.

The LORD is so good and so full of love for me. How can it be so? As I continue to seek His face I am daily reminded of the love He has for me. It never stopped, it never changed, it is constant. HE is forever, everlasting, constant. He loved me before the foundation of the world, and before I was even created. He not only loved me before it all began, but He loved YOU before it all began. God hasn't created one person and said, "Oh ok! Here you go, here's life..have fun" and then left us. His creation goes way beyond that. I was created for a specific purpose. My life has meaning, it has a plan. That meaning is JESUS. I'm not living in this world to gain possessions, or money, or popularity, or beauty. I'm here solely for the purpose of GOD. I am here to continue furthering His kingdom in heaven.

As I spent time with Him last night I came across Psalm 45. Girls, this is such a beautiful piece of scripture. Believe it or not, we are royal BRIDES to the KING! Not just any king, but the King of the universe. He loves us so much, He offered to be beaten, bruised and poured out for our lives. His blood was spilled for a remarkable beautiful covenant with us. Like many of us know of the marriage covenant, this is the unique marriage covenant He has created for us with HIM! In verse 13 it says,

"The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace; her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors; the virgins, her companions who follow her, shall be brought to You. With gladness and rejoicing they shall be brought; they shall enter the King's palace." Psalm 45:13-15

Wow. Just as a groom awaits for his bride at the altar of a wedding... imagine us, as God's daughters, brides, being royal in HIS eyes.. being dressed in beautiful clothing as He awaits us. Ugh! So precious! I can't imagine that my beautiful LORD thinks of me as His royalty. There is truly nothing greater than that!! What love, what passion He has for me. And for you! He is waiting for you, dear daughter. He is praying, yearning that you leave all the wickedness behind, and follow after HIM who is the only One who truly knows 'love'. He doesn't just know it, He IS love. Love has a name...it's Jesus Christ.

Why should I not give my life away so freely? He has poured out everything for my life, for my sins, for little old me. He has saved me from drunkenness. He has saved me from being broken hearted. He has saved me from being miserable. He has saved me from being dependent on man, rather than HIM. I cannot understand how someone could not so freely give their life away to JESUS, who, for our lives, poured out His blood on a tree, to fulfill our destiny. It is simply something, I cannot fathom.

He loves us SO MUCH. We are His bride! His portion. His inheritance. So, what is He to us? Someone we simply spend two minutes with every other day? Someone we say that we love yet, when it comes to Christmas or Easter we are forced to sit in church? Someone we simply could careless about and just go about our business, KNOWING that something in our soul is missing? There is no way one can truly be happy without the love and forgiveness of JESUS. I was one of them. I tried filling the void with useless materialism. Yet, I knew deep down something more had to come out of this world. There was nothing this world could ever bring me to satisfy. Jesus Christ, the One who shed His blood for me, and created a beautiful covenant with me for the rest of my life, He saved me from myself, from darkness, and from the sin of the world. I am no longer in this world but a creation of GOD. I live for Him. Full out, 100% solely for His purpose. Nothing else, and nothing more. Slap me in the face if I think for one minute that I am anything apart from Him. Beat me down if for one second I think that I can do anything, be anyone, and accomplish anything apart from His strength and love.

I am no one. I will always be no one. Unworthy and fallen, yet I have a Savior who looks past all my faults. I have a King who doesn't see the dirt that I used to be. I have a Groom who chose me out of the world regardless of my shortcomings and faults. He loved me so much that He told me, "Come to me. I am Mighty to save." I have a Husband who chose to say, "There is no spot on you, My beloved." THAT is the love this world has, yet so rudely dismisses. Oh, that we would wake up and see the goodness, the fervency, the zeal of the LORD. His love for us! OH, how He loves us!!



"Listen, O daughter, Consider and incline your ear; forget your own people also, and your father's house; so the King will greatly desire your beauty; because He is your LORD, worship Him." Psalm 45:11


"Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end." John 13:1


"Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil. But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, who would betray Him said, 'Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?' This he said, not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it. But JESUS said, "Let her alone; she has kept this for the day of My burial. For the poor you have with you always, but ME you do not always have." John 12:3-8

all things Disney

Yes, pathetic I may be... but regardless, I am a Disney freak. I don't know how it happened, or when it happened, but I think it's because I grew up on classic Disney movies. Girls say that Disney is just a let down to women because "prince charming" doesn't exist. First of all, I think that's a LIE :) I believe that God has created a spouse for each & every one of us, but I don't want to digress. I'm not quite sure what happened to spark such a love for Disney but it's there.

And it's true. When I watch a Disney movie, I cry. When I look at pictures of Disney World, I cry. When I go to weddings and the bride dances to a Disney song, I cry. It's craziness!! Either way... I would love to share a few of my favorite Disney memories. I am in the process of collecting all the classic Disney movies on DVD. I just watched Beauty & the Beast last night and it never gets old! Here are some clips from my favorite Disney movies!! They are timeless. Young and old, the tears still come when watching them!

Beauty & the Beast..the part where I cry the most!



Who can forget the Little Mermaid? Under the Sea is where it's at ;)


Who could forget this timeless piece? Makes me cry everytime...


A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep...


These are just a few of my favorites. Oh Disney...timeless you are. No matter what anyone says, the Disney CLASSICS are way better than today's Disney. There is simply nothing like it :)

Updates

As I have been home for over a month now, it is amazing to me to see what all God has done in and through my heart and life just over a short period of time. He is incredible. I can't imagine what He is going to do within the next year or two!

I'll admit that when I came home from school the first week or so was very rough for me. It was almost as if satan was putting doubts in my mind about the decision I had made to leave ISU and move back home and prepare for Bible College. Coincidence? Naw. Satan knows who my heart belongs to, his job (and he never EVER succeeds) is to try and trip me up and make me doubt my decisions and trust in the LORD. As I was faced with opposition and adversity from a few people regarding my decision I began to become down, and discouraged, praying that the LORD would soften the hearts of people who don't understand..to see that, my life is NOT my own. I don't belong to this world, nor am I one who owns myself. Make sense? I am GOD'S child. His. Only His. Therefore, He has the right to direct me wherever He needs me to go, and He has the right to tell me to drop all I have and follow after Him. Why wouldn't I want to?

As I prayed one night in tears of confusion and curiosity the LORD quickly and surely opened my eyes to His word. It never fails to amaze me...and just when I need Him most, He is always right there beside me. As I opened my Bible His word leaped at me like it never had before...

"All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. The offense of the cross. If I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busy body in other people's matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter. To you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake. If One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again."

You can imagine my response. As I lay face down weeping with gratitude in my heart for His provision and guidance, all I could say was, "Here LORD, take me. I am nothing." I'm not here for my own glory, nor to build my own kingdoms, nor to make myself anything in this world. The world SHOULD hate me, and I glory in the fact that they do. I am CHRIST'S. My work here on earth is to simply glorify Him in everything. I love the song "Nothing Without You" in the verse that says, "Take my time here on this earth, let it glorify all that You are worth, for I am nothing...I am nothing without You." So true.

So, as I scampered on my adventure here at home, I began job searching, and not only did God open one door for a job, but He opened TWO doors. Both wanted me very much, and He has given me the wisdom and knowledge to choose the right one :) What an amazing God we serve. I am currently the new Aid/Preschool teacher at KnderCare Learning Center! God is teaching me a lot with those little children. I am learning to love them, in spite of their faults or their mishaps (sounds like how Christ loves us, huh?) and I am learning how to deal with children in a whole new way. It's a tremendous blessing, but very tiring!

God has also opened doors for ministry here at home too. When I was 10 years old I was involved in a pre-teen girls Bible study at my church and now, years later...God has revealed to me He would like me to help lead worship and minister! He has totally grown the desire in my heart for young women and so I am utterly blessed that He has chosen the foolish (ahem, me) to be in this ministry :)

In the next few weeks I'll be heading out to Indiana to a ministry conference. When I got my job I thought, 'there's no way I'm going to this conference because I just got my job.' yet the LORD had wanted me to pursue and ask. So, I went to my boss and mentioned it, and she let me know she would find out and get back to me. I figured automatically that there was no way considering I wasn't very hopeful to get the days off. Over the last weekend I had prayed earnestly that if God had truly wanted me at this ministry conference, that He would make it known to me. That He would allow me to get the days off work so I could go and that it would be His absolute will for me. If it wasn't His will for me, I prayed that He would close the doors. When I approached my manager a few days ago she told me that I was free to go! I honestly did not think I would get the time off work. It was so neat :) So, I'm headed off to Indiana in a few weeks to attend this ministry conference, praying the LORD would lead and guide in whichever way He chooses.

My mind still can't fathom the fact that in less than 5 months, I'll be in California, living at the Bible College. Is He good or what? For so long I had struggled with doubts about it. I rejected it because I wanted to make sure that my motives were pure and right and true, yet He continued to press it upon my heart and now look. I'm not saying it's going to be easy...it might be the hardest two years of my entire life, yet, it's what God wants from me. So how can I say no? My mind keeps going back to that place of joy and excitement every time I think about it :)

Of course, I'll miss my friends and family a lot :( Yet, I know His will is much better than my own. Continuing to pray that He would lead me to wonderful Godly girls and that His entire will would be done in my life through these next few years.

Oh, that I would desire holiness, to seek and pursue purity in all things. He is the reason I'm alive. He is the reason I am me. I am not my own... I am HIS. A 'princess' of the King (so He says!)

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, my LORD, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." Philippians 3:7-8

a trip down memory lane

I found these old pictures of me and my family while thumbing through a drawer of photos the other day :) It totally made me giggle! Wanting to share with you for fun..hoping you also find these funny and comical! :)
Pumpkin Farm was tradition with us :)

I'm pretty sure I remember those sunglasses ;)

Me! Look at that BIG dress :)

The siblings :)

HA! Do you see that big bow? hehe

I know I hated that dress :) My mom always dressed me so foofy!

Baby me, my brother Philly, and Bob :)

Danielle and I at her 8th birthday party :)

Helene on the bottom, me above her, and Danielle on the stairs :)

Me at my dear friend Danielle's 4th birthday party :)

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:13