everything

First and foremost, watch this clip.



Simply amazing. Now, if you've seen this before, then you know exactly what you were getting yourself into. Yet, when I first saw this, I was in the midst of my sin. I was walking in darkness rather in light, yet I knew there was something far greater than the rocky waters I was treading on. I knew that I was being called by the Lord to turn away from my sin. So, you can imagine me, watching this for the first time...simply crying and knowing that the girl in that skit, was me.

Yet, every single time I watch this video clip I still can't help but to cry. This time, I'm not crying out of conviction or out of knowing that I needed to turn away from my sin, but I cry because I am amazed, blessed, in awe of how the Lord has truly worked in my life these past three years and where He has brought me. I am amazed at His loving grace, mercy and forgiveness. Can you for one second just stop and imagine how the Lord must feel every minute of every day? His children sin against him every minute of every single day. We grieve the heart of God. Yet, do we care? Most of the time, no. Yet... we continue to do it. So, thinking upon that simple truth, it's incredible to me that He would so freely forgive us any minute we surrender and ask for it. It's always a huge reminder to forgive those around me when they mistreat me. If Jesus Christ can forgive my sins every moment of every day and still welcome me with open arms, then how can I not forgive someone, regardless of what they do to me? It's a constant reminder that I am temporary on this earth. Yet I am living for the eternal. Not for the here and now.

Wow. As I sat up in bed two nights ago pondering the Lord's work in my life, I couldn't help but to want to throw myself onto oncoming traffic. haha I know, not something you usually expect to hear right? Here's why. I have been so stupid, foolish, and pin headed. I have taken the Lord's forgiveness for granted so many times, how can He possibly choose me to lead His people into His presence? Why would He want to choose me to glorify Him and to bring others the good news? Seriously... I'm pitiful! And most of the time, I can't stand to look at me, or think about the state my heart is in. I sat on my bed in silence, for at least two hours, tears in my eyes, heavy heart, sinking feeling in my stomach, knowing that I had been sinning way more than I thought. It's so sweet how the Lord convicts us isn't it? Sure it doesn't feel that great in the moment. Yet, as His conviction and chastening comes, so does the peace, love, joy and beauty of His presence. It never fails. I have never truly known what it means to be fully broken before Him until the other night. It was so beautiful.

Watching this video continues to remind me that His forgiveness, open arms, love, and grace are in our midst every minute of every day. Yet, for those who walk with Him, we take it for granted. For those who don't know Him, they could care less. It's so sad. We are so comfortable and lazy in this life. I'm so guilty of this too. It's sickening to me sometimes the way I think and act. You'd think I would learn but I don't learn the easy way. I don't think a lot of us do. We continue to mingle on with our little lives and take for granted the breath we are given by God, with which we should be praying, sharing the good news, exposing the darkness and loving on others just as much as He loved us.

This video is such a testimony of my life. When I said I was that girl in the skit, I'm not lying. I walked with the Lord for a little while but then I fell into promiscuity. Drunkenness. Self harm. Depression. Greed. Self acceptance. I'm only being honest because I know, I taste, and I feel the Lord's forgiveness and mercy upon my life every moment of every day. For so long I was traumatized by those demons lurking about. God in His love tried with all His might to rope me in, to pull me back, and to call me home yet I was stubborn and disobedient. Many times I wanted to come back and I tried, believe me. Those demons still remained and they were keeping me in bondage. Then, one day, in full and total surrender God in His infinite majesty overcame and struck down the enemies.

I was set free. So now, as I ponder the life I lived, and look upon the life He has given me now, how can I not share with you the good news and pray for your salvation? Only He can give peace, joy, love and comfort. This world gets worse by the minute. Nothing is certain anymore. I could walk outside tomorrow and get killed. I could breathe my last breathe tonight, but you know something... I know where I'm going. Do you?

Jesus Christ willingly gave up His life so that He could become sin in place of us, so that we could have eternal life, free from bondage and full of peace and love and joy. Remarkable.

So, as you watch this clip, what are you thinking? I know that each time it comes back to me I continue to get teary eyed thanking my beloved Savior for all He has graciously done for me and through me.

The words don't come clearly to my mind to describe Him. I could never try to, either.