Updates

As I have been home for over a month now, it is amazing to me to see what all God has done in and through my heart and life just over a short period of time. He is incredible. I can't imagine what He is going to do within the next year or two!

I'll admit that when I came home from school the first week or so was very rough for me. It was almost as if satan was putting doubts in my mind about the decision I had made to leave ISU and move back home and prepare for Bible College. Coincidence? Naw. Satan knows who my heart belongs to, his job (and he never EVER succeeds) is to try and trip me up and make me doubt my decisions and trust in the LORD. As I was faced with opposition and adversity from a few people regarding my decision I began to become down, and discouraged, praying that the LORD would soften the hearts of people who don't understand..to see that, my life is NOT my own. I don't belong to this world, nor am I one who owns myself. Make sense? I am GOD'S child. His. Only His. Therefore, He has the right to direct me wherever He needs me to go, and He has the right to tell me to drop all I have and follow after Him. Why wouldn't I want to?

As I prayed one night in tears of confusion and curiosity the LORD quickly and surely opened my eyes to His word. It never fails to amaze me...and just when I need Him most, He is always right there beside me. As I opened my Bible His word leaped at me like it never had before...

"All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. The offense of the cross. If I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busy body in other people's matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter. To you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake. If One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again."

You can imagine my response. As I lay face down weeping with gratitude in my heart for His provision and guidance, all I could say was, "Here LORD, take me. I am nothing." I'm not here for my own glory, nor to build my own kingdoms, nor to make myself anything in this world. The world SHOULD hate me, and I glory in the fact that they do. I am CHRIST'S. My work here on earth is to simply glorify Him in everything. I love the song "Nothing Without You" in the verse that says, "Take my time here on this earth, let it glorify all that You are worth, for I am nothing...I am nothing without You." So true.

So, as I scampered on my adventure here at home, I began job searching, and not only did God open one door for a job, but He opened TWO doors. Both wanted me very much, and He has given me the wisdom and knowledge to choose the right one :) What an amazing God we serve. I am currently the new Aid/Preschool teacher at KnderCare Learning Center! God is teaching me a lot with those little children. I am learning to love them, in spite of their faults or their mishaps (sounds like how Christ loves us, huh?) and I am learning how to deal with children in a whole new way. It's a tremendous blessing, but very tiring!

God has also opened doors for ministry here at home too. When I was 10 years old I was involved in a pre-teen girls Bible study at my church and now, years later...God has revealed to me He would like me to help lead worship and minister! He has totally grown the desire in my heart for young women and so I am utterly blessed that He has chosen the foolish (ahem, me) to be in this ministry :)

In the next few weeks I'll be heading out to Indiana to a ministry conference. When I got my job I thought, 'there's no way I'm going to this conference because I just got my job.' yet the LORD had wanted me to pursue and ask. So, I went to my boss and mentioned it, and she let me know she would find out and get back to me. I figured automatically that there was no way considering I wasn't very hopeful to get the days off. Over the last weekend I had prayed earnestly that if God had truly wanted me at this ministry conference, that He would make it known to me. That He would allow me to get the days off work so I could go and that it would be His absolute will for me. If it wasn't His will for me, I prayed that He would close the doors. When I approached my manager a few days ago she told me that I was free to go! I honestly did not think I would get the time off work. It was so neat :) So, I'm headed off to Indiana in a few weeks to attend this ministry conference, praying the LORD would lead and guide in whichever way He chooses.

My mind still can't fathom the fact that in less than 5 months, I'll be in California, living at the Bible College. Is He good or what? For so long I had struggled with doubts about it. I rejected it because I wanted to make sure that my motives were pure and right and true, yet He continued to press it upon my heart and now look. I'm not saying it's going to be easy...it might be the hardest two years of my entire life, yet, it's what God wants from me. So how can I say no? My mind keeps going back to that place of joy and excitement every time I think about it :)

Of course, I'll miss my friends and family a lot :( Yet, I know His will is much better than my own. Continuing to pray that He would lead me to wonderful Godly girls and that His entire will would be done in my life through these next few years.

Oh, that I would desire holiness, to seek and pursue purity in all things. He is the reason I'm alive. He is the reason I am me. I am not my own... I am HIS. A 'princess' of the King (so He says!)

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, my LORD, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ..." Philippians 3:7-8