storms.

The past few weeks at Encounter have been the hugest blessing. God always shows Himself when I'm there... but He really has spoken to me the past few weeks about what's been going on in my life. In the beginning of the year I remember praying, "Lord, please help and teach me to trust you." hahahaha. Boy is He :) That prayer opened a gateway of circumstances, most unpleasant and difficult, but each yielding to peace and fruit when I surrendered it to the Lord and trusted in His goodness. He never ONCE failed me, or came short of fulfilling what He had for me. It's been hard, but the hugest blessing walking side by side in each horrible circumstance. One of these situations is my math class. God really has been teaching me to trust Him in this. I didn't pass last semester, and I need this class to move on and get my teaching degree. As I failed I was reassured with peace and hope that God knew what He was doing. It wasn't super easy to swallow the fact that I had to re-take the class but God had His hand over the entire situation. This class has been a huge fear factor in my life. Every time I enter the class I am fearful, and every time I leave I am fearful. When I get a test I freeze and lose all sight of what I had learned. The enemy is using fear and anxiety BIG TIME in this season of my life... but I can only cling to the promises of God and what He says about me having "a FUTUTE and a HOPE" (Jeremiah 29:11) It's a struggle and last night at Encounter the message was so perfect.

It was out of Mark 4. The disciples were on a boat in the middle of a huge storm and Jesus was asleep. As the waves tossed back and forth and the rain became unbearable the disciples were absolutely terrified. It says in verse 38, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?" Those words pierced me last night. For so long now I have felt just as the disciples felt! I had been drowning over and over again, and I'm like, "Ok, God...where are You? And WHY are You allowing this?" But Jesus wasn't asleep for no reason... He had a plan and a purpose for it all. Towards the end Jesus arose and quieted the sea and everything went calm. Then He went on to say, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?"

These words were even WORSE. My love for the Lord is immense... I don't for one second doubt His goodness, yet I fear failure again. I'm reassured because I know that the Lord has a beautiful plan and a wonderful purpose as to why I'm struggling in this season of my life. God hasn't brought me all this way to fail me. Can I trust in Him? That's the lesson I'm learning. I'm learning to trust in Him with friendships, with ministry, with math, with my future, with my husband, with everything that I fear.

It's hard to remain faithful to the Lord when you're dealing with storms... but God isn't doing these things to you... He's doing them to teach you to trust in Him. I know the Lord hasn't brought me all this way to fail me. My life isn't over..my Christian walk isn't faltered, and my hope isn't blown out. The most beautiful part of my walk with Him is just beginning...with this storm in my life. I cannot wait to see how this is going to be used for His glory someday. Because it will. That's the beauty in it all.

Will I fail again? I have no idea. All I can do is surrender it to the Lord and TRUST that He has it all under control. Sometimes I'm not even sure how to surrender it to Him... but I ask and pray He would teach me how to. It's hard when you're faced with storms in life...but God isn't "sleeping" for nothing. He's trying to grow your walk with Him and strengthen you in His love. It's all for a beautiful purpose.

Just trust.