if grace is an ocean we're all sinking.

You ever get in one of those moods where you're SO blessed, so joyful, so happy about all that life has to offer all you can do is just sit and ponder it all? In silence? Speechless? This is how I've felt lately. God has done phenomenal things in my life... words can't even begin to express it. I am overwhelmed at times of His goodness and faithfulness of my life. Lately all I can do is just sit, gaze, and muster the words "Thank You" to Him.

A few months back, the Lord truly gave me the freedom and strength to forgive someone I used to be very close with. It was hard because I had thought for a while, "Man...I cannot physically forgive this person because I haven't received an apology from them." It was a difficult position to be in. But the Lord truly spoke to me. And the truth of the matter is... we shouldn't NEED an apology just to forgive someone. And I'm not talking about "being the bigger person" because we physically without God can't do that either. I'm talking about looking at Jesus..His death on the cross, which He FREELY gave to us, that is reason enough to freely forgive others when maybe they don't deserve it. It was a hard struggle for me...but God spoke SO clearly one morning. And I remember it like it was yesterday. It was raining, cold, and I was doing my early morning devotions. The topic was forgiveness and it was almost as if the Lord was stern with me that morning. "I'm not suggesting it, I'm not asking you to, I am TELLING YOU, forgive them NOW." I was silenced for a few minutes in total conviction. I knew what I had to do. I closed my book, and prayed for that person. "Lord, ok. I'm sorry. I totally forgive them." It was like I was a totally new person :) God was SO present. It was raining that day and all I could do was dance & sing in the rain because of what God had done through me :) Never in a hundred years did I think on my own I could forgive like that. But with God, all things are possible.

I didn't need that apology from that person, because God's death on the cross is penalty enough for us all... how can He freely die for all of OUR sins without us saying 'sorry' and here I am, not forgiving someone? Didn't add up. Months passed... and a few days ago, that person approached me and apologized for everything. WOW. Is God awesome or what? Now, never in a hundred years did I expect THAT! :) That night I was on my face, weeping before God, thanking Him, praising Him for all He had done in my life.

I'm not saying the stuff I'm going through now with school and stuff is all a bed of roses. But even through the rain and the storm God is TOTALLY preserving, doing an incredible work that only He can do! It only makes me fall more in love with Him. It's in those times where I can't really say much...because I am so amazed and humbled at His feet, that all I can do is be mindful of Him, gaze at His goodness, and bask in His faithfulness.

There's a recent song I got hooked onto by the band Fee and it's called "When Everything Falls Apart". It's an incredible song. I want to share a few verses with you as it has ministered to me so much through this season of my life. And everything it sings about is everything I am certain about. When life is falling apart, God holds it all together. It's crazy! It's like we're in the middle of this horrible tornado of events that just keep knocking us down yet...God shows His beauty and shines it through us in those times. We can't help but to sing and dance because of His goodness :)

"You said You'd never leave or forsake me,
When You said, this life is gonna shake me.
And You said this life is gonna bring trouble on my soul,
This I know.

When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone,
I find You mighty and strong..You keep holding on...
You keep holding on."

Psalm 31:24